Tuesday, 17 March 2015 03:47

1973 "You have to be hurt to understand!"

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While I was in Washington, mom and George had moved to Upland California and my mom had remembered the program for Psychiatric Technicians and apparently she had done some research and found a program that was within driveable distance from where she and George were living. She called me and let me know about it and said that if I wanted to do this, that she and George would help me out with a car. 

sylvanandmomsmWhen I came to Upland, I was initially living with my mom and George in a small house they were renting at the time. I was sleeping on the couch and getting enrolled in the Psychiatric Technician program at Valley Vocational at La Puente. Mom and George would eventually get me a small, used, red Volkswagon stationwagon and we were looking for an apartment for me to live in as George and Mom would be going back to Washington State before long. I would attend La Puente Valley Adult Schools, Valley Vocational Center Psychiatric Technician Program from January 29, 1973 to January 15, 1974.

There was absolutely nothing to do in Upland and there was no real transportation system to speak of. The only way for me to get anywhere was to hitchhike. I missed other gay people and by this time, I was used to having sexual partners on a fairly regular basis. I was restless and bored while waiting to start school and sometimes I just had to get out of the house.

One evening I was hitchhiking, I think just for something to do, hoping I would meet someone more than anything. I was on the corner of desolation and desperation in the middle of nowhere dead suburbia with very few cars coming by. I don't think there were any pedestrians. A large boat of a car from the 1950's came up to the light. and I could see there was a man checking me out. He wasn't really my type or attractive but he did seem interested and that was really all I needed. He pulled over and I got in. 

I think he must have asked where I was going and I probably told him that I was just out and about and not really going in any particular direction. He asked if I wanted to come to his place. He was probably in his late twenties or early thirties, white and thin. He was definitely not a hippie. I think he had his hair combed back in a fifties style and gave me a trailor trash or appalachia impression. He was not what I would think of as hip at all but what could I expect in Upland California?

I agreed to go to his place. I think he said he had some grass, too and that would have even made the offer better back then. We drove out into what felt like the country on a two lane hightway or rode. Suburban houses gave way to open feilds and fog. It was dark and I wasn't sure at all where we were or where we were going as we made awkward small talk. 

We arrived at a small cabin surrounded by fog and occasionally through the fog I could see a cow or two. The cabin was very small. There was a door which led to a small galley kitchen that was probably about five to seven feet. On the other side of this small galley was a doorway that led to the only room. I think the bathroom must have been on the other side of the wall from the kitchen. The main room, though, was probably eight by ten if that. There was a small, twin bed on one end of the room and a space heater on the floor. There was a wood chest of drawers next to the doorway that led to the kitchen that was probably about five feet high. The place was messy and tattered. 

Either we smoked a joint on the way there or smoked it when we got there. We had a little more small talk and then got undressed and got into bed. We kissed and made out and rubbed our naked bodies together. When two men come together like this that are not familiar with one another, there is sometimes a question as to who might be "the top" and who might be "the bottom" if there is going to be intercourse. At that time in my life, I usually preferred being "the top" although I tried to be versatile. He did not seem to be making any move to take a dominate position though, and so I started in that direction. 

Suddenly this strangers body froze and became rigid and pushed me off and jumped out of bed and in the darkness, I heard silverware rattling. I didn't know what was happening but it frightened me and so I jumped up to and had my pants back on as the light came on and he was standing there, in front of the only exit by the kitchen door with a large butcher knife. I picked up the small space heater. He said "put it down." 

"I'm really sorry," I said. "Whatever I did, I'm really sorry."

He replied, as he stuck the knife into the top of the wood dresser, "You have to be hurt to understand." 

I continued to apologize profusely and I put down the space heater. I rambled on about wanting to go to school to help people and that I was a good person and he just kept repeating, "You have to be hurt to understand." 

I told him that I would walk home, that did did not have to drive me back to town. Something seemed to click in his head and his facial expression seemed to relax a little and he said, "no, I will drive you back." Then he asked if I wanted some coffee as if nothing had happened. I think that I accepted his offer since it seemed to have distracted him from terrorizing me and we might have even talked for a minute or two before we left for the drive back to Upland. 

I had him let me off a block or so from where I was staying with mom and George and then ran to their place after he pulled away. I was shaking when I came in and I guess I made some noise or something and mom came out to see what was going on. I think she must have seen how shook up I was and sat with me as I drifted off to sleep. 

I did make a call to the police the next day but I didn't really want to give details about my identity and I didn't know the guys name or where it was that he had taken me so I didn't really have a lot of information to give and it was obvious that the officer I talked to wasn't interested anyway. For years I have wondered how many bodies were buried in that cow pasture that I visited and felt that I had only narrowly escaped in 1973.

Read 6514 times Last modified on Sunday, 17 May 2015 18:29

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Palouse- Click for story
Escondido 1960's- Click for story
Cockettes & Angels of Light- Click for story
Forbidden Dreams of Love- Click for story.
1973- Psych Tech Program- Click for story.
2014- Road trip to San Diego- Click for story.
Darlene Marries Chuck- Click for story.
5th Grade in Abilene Tx- Click for story
2001 Trip to Cancun- Click to read story.
Women in Oils- Click for story
1973 "You have to be hurt..." Click to read the story.
2015- 2nd Gay Cruise- Click to read story.
1974- On Larkin Street- Click for story.
My Mother- Click for more photos.
Photos of Dad & His Family- Click for story.
4th Grade- Click for story.
Second Gay Cruise- Click for story.
2005 Darlene Visit for Gay Pride- Click for story.
Me in my 20's in 1970's- Click for story.
Click to read "Introduction."
Me in first grade- Click for story.
2001 Trip to Cancun- Click to read story.
1982-1993 Waller Street- Click to read story.
Gay Disco 70's- Click for story
1974- First Trip to Europe- Click to read story.
1958-1959- 3rd Grade- Click to read story.
Beatle haircut- Click for story.
1967- Summer of Love- Click to read story.
1970's Promiscuity- Click for story.
Earthquake! Click to read story.
Where I was born- Click for story.
1964- Luv Please- Click for story.
1957-1958 1st Grade- Click to read story.
Black Men in Oils- Click to read story
Summer of Love- Click to read story.
2005- Darlene Visits for Gay Pride- Click to read story.
2015- 2nd Gay Cruise- Click for story.
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Article

01. Introduction

03- Dads Family

03- Photos of my Father and his family

04- My Mother's Family

04- Photos of my Mom

04- Video of my Mom

04- Walling Family Reunions

04-Audio Files of My Mom

04. Billie

04. Ole

04.1. Forbidden Dreams of Love

04.2. Flames of Forbidden Love

04.3 Mom Writing Her Life Story

05- Jim Tarbert

05. Roger

1950's Grandview to Toppenish

1957-1958 1st Grade

1958-1959- Third Grade

1959- Palouse

1961- 4th Grade- Last time I wore a dress

1962- Abilene

1963- Escondido- Early 60's

1964- Darlene Marries Chuck

1964- My Beatle Haircut

1964-The Luv Please

1965 or 1966- Steve Castle

1965- In Foster Care

1966 Living with Darlene & Chuck in Seattle

1967- Juvenile Hall

1976- I Praise Thee (poem to Stanley)

1976- My Second Lover, Stanley Dunne

1976- Paul McCartney and Wings

1976-1330 Bush Street #9J

1977- 1667 Haight Street

1977- Trip to San Diego with Mary Jo

1977-1980- Tumultuous Relationship with John Perry

1978- 525 Haight Street

1979- September- Dad is Murdered

1980's- AIDS- Death and Dying

1980- Winter- First Trip to New York

1980- Word, Sound and Power

1981- Milton- Falling in Love

1982-1993 465 Waller Street

1982-1994 Computers to MacNursing

1984- 33rd Birthday

1985- Graduation from Nursing School

1985- Trip to Hawaii (Oahu)

1988- MIdnight Caller

1989- Earthquake!

1991- Aug 10th- Mom Passes Away

1991- Black Males in Oils

1991- Crack of My Life

1993- Move to Vallejo & Our First Home

1995-1. Road Trip to Washington

1995-2. Surprise Trip to Vegas

1995-3. Grandmother Rogers & Aunts Visit Darlene's

1995-4. Amber

1998- Camping at Russian River

2000 -Thoughts about Progressive Christians

2000- Resignation from John George

2001- April- Trip to Cancun

2001- Peace and Justice

2001- September 11th

2002- April-Puerto Vallarta & Blue Bay Getaway

2002- Nov 12th- My Stepfather, George McHenry Passes Away

2003- Trip to D.C. and N.Y.

2004- Feb- Road Trip to Baha Mexico

2004- Walling Family Reunion in Spokane

2005- Christmas Poem

2005- Darlene Visit for Pride Celebration

2005- Trip to Orlando

2005-1. Europe- London

2005-2. Europe- Paris

2005-3. Europe- Venice

2005-4. Europe- Florence

2005-5. Europe- Rome

2005-6. Europe- Athens

2005-7. Knee Surgery & Tongue Biopsy

2006 Christmas Poem

2006- February 23- Times Herald

2006- Palm Springs White Party

2006- Trip to Seattle

2006-July 8th Solano Peace and Justice Coalition BBQ

2007- Feb- Carnival Destiny- Our First Cruise

2007- Tre and Casey Visit

2008- Aug 15-18 Spokane Visit

2008- Psycho Song

2009- Honored by Vallejo Gay Network

2009- Women in Oils

2010 Christmas Poem

2010- Feb. R.C. Mariner of the Seas Mexican Riviera Cruise

2010- June 24- Badlands

2010- Trip to Seattle

2010-1. Europe- Amsterdam

2010-2. Europe- Paris

2010-3. Europe- Barcelona & Sitges

2010-4. Europe- Madrid

2011-1. Feb. My Fabulous 60th Birthday Weekend

2011-2. April- L.A., Palm Springs & "The White Party"

2011-3. Poem- Girl From Medical Lake

2011-4. Old Man Dancing

2011-5. May- Misty and Alex Visit

2011-6. August- Darlene and Sean's Visit

2011-7. Alex 16-18 & Pics

2012- March- Carnival Splendor Mexican Riviera with Family

2013- Wedding

2014- Christmas Poem

2014- First Gay Cruise

2014- September Road Trip to San Diego

2015- Seasonal Affective Blues

2015- Second Gay Cruise

2015- War on Christmas poem

2015-"Badlands" and Gay Bar Etiquette

2015-September 8. Political History

2016 Do Not Speak for Gay Males

2016- April- Palm Springs RV Adventure

4/4/2016- Not Going Along to Get Along

9/4/15- Liberals vs Conservatives

1964- Luv Please- Click for story.
1958-1959- 3rd Grade- Click to read story.
The Psychedelic Experience- Click to read story.
5th Grade in Abilene Tx- Click for story
2015- 2nd Gay Cruise- Click to read story.
Summer of Love- Click to read story.
Forbidden Dreams of Love- Click for story.
2015- 2nd Gay Cruise- Click for story.
Me in first grade- Click for story.
2001 Trip to Cancun- Click to read story.
1973- Psych Tech Program- Click for story.
Where I was born- Click for story.
Me in my 20's in 1970's- Click for story.
Cockettes & Angels of Light- Click for story
2014- Road trip to San Diego- Click for story.
1974- First Trip to Europe- Click to read story.
Grandview- Click for story
Palouse- Click for story
4th Grade- Click for story.
Women in Oils- Click for story
Earthquake! Click to read story.
My Dad's Family- Click for story.
Escondido 1960's- Click for story
Amber- Click to read story.
Second Gay Cruise- Click for story.
My Mother- Click for more photos.
Beatle haircut- Click for story.
Click to read "Introduction."
Photos of Dad & His Family- Click for story.
1970's Promiscuity- Click for story.
Me in 3rd grade- Click for story.
1957-1958 1st Grade- Click to read story.
1974- On Larkin Street- Click for story.
2005- Darlene Visits for Gay Pride- Click to read story.
1982-1993 Waller Street- Click to read story.
1967- Summer of Love- Click to read story.
2005 Darlene Visit for Gay Pride- Click for story.
2001 Trip to Cancun- Click to read story.
Darlene Marries Chuck- Click for story.
Gay Disco 70's- Click for story
Black Men in Oils- Click to read story
1973 "You have to be hurt..." Click to read the story.