By 4th Grade, the Country Kitchen must have failed and we were living on Broadway in Spokane and I was attending Bryant Elementary School. Roger was a crossing guard and wore a badge.
I remember him getting me into trouble when a little classmate girl gave me a kiss or I gave her a kiss and he reported it to the principle. At least some of the afternoons were spent in Bible class even though this was a public school. The whole class would be taken out of class and walked across a bridge over Maple street to what is now Christian Redeemer church. I'm not sure if that is the same church that had the property in 1960 though. I remember Donna visited us there and she and I were walking back from a store a block or so away and we got robbed by a Hispanic boy.
Mom got a new restaurant about this time in the skid-row area of Spokane called "The OK Cafe." It was another greasy spoon and most of the clientele and employees were down on their luck types and alcoholics. That part of town was razed a few years later when Spokane hosted the 1974 Worlds Fair. Mom spent much of her time there and we kids were left alone more and more. I remember being fascinated my monsters and reading "Monster" magazine and going to movie marathons of horror movies that would go from noon to midnight and the sleazy Ritz or El Ray theaters where one would have to dodge the dodgy pedophiles that lurked there. By this time, I think I was a little less naive and knew more of the score and would know to move to a different part of the theater if an older man came and sat down by me. I was there to see the movies! I wanted to see Dracula and The Blob, The Fly, The Werewolf, and go to The Center of the Earth. I was a Vincent Price and Lon Chaney Junior fan.
In 1960, while we were still living on Broadway, Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho" was released and played at the Fox theater in downtown Spokane. The line went around the block. I think I had seen the previews and, being a fan of horror, I was excited to see it. It was the most terrifying moving I had ever seen up to that point and it didn't even have a traditional monster in it! I became an immediate fan of Alfred Hitchcock. I was already of fan of "Monsters" magazine and had read about hollywood makeup and how latex was used to create werewolves and other beasts. After seeing Psycho, I became more interested in the way stories were told on film and the film making process itself.
I remember watching Johnny Carson at night on Broadway street. I think that was because my mom would be out that late. Actually, I think I probably first started seeing Johnny Carson and the late show in Toppenish when I would often fall asleep on the floor in front of the television. Dad and Irene were also often gone until two in the morning.
When we were living with my mom in those days, we were living in poverty really. It was such a different life than when we would visit in Toppenish. Sometimes we went without hot water and I remember heating water on the stove to take a bath and it was often the case that bath water was recycled for siblings- one would take their bath and then the next would take their bath in the same water and with each subsequent sibling, the water got cooler and dirtier.
Sometimes there wasn't much to eat and we would eat white rice or cinnamon toast. I don't remember my mom every taking us anywhere but Goodwill or Salvation army to buy us clothes. Roger got the clothes from Goodwill or Salvation Army and then I got his hand-me-downs. My mom was a child of the Great Depression and she knew how to save a dime and how to scrape by. In those days, there was no concern about fashion or style or concern about whether any of us fit in with the other kids at school. There was no concern about what school we went to or how we were doing in school or how long we went to any school. I don't think my mom or dad ever attended any parent-teacher meetings in those days. We were essentially on our own.
Living with mom, there was many a time that I remember eating white rice with milk and sugar and having nothing more than cinnamon toast for dessert. Soda pop was a rare treat when we were with my mom, while at dad's house, they drank it like water.
I came very close to burning the house down on Broadway. At school, we had done a project where we went out an collected leaves. Then we brought the leaves back to the classroom and placed them between two pieces of wax paper. Then the teacher sealed the two pieces of paper together with an iron. I figured I could do the same thing at home. By this time, I was using the stove by myself to melt paraffin wax to make vampire teeth and it didn't seem like any big deal to use the iron, except that I was intending to go downtown Spokane on the bus and it was almost time for the bus. I ran out of the house to the bus stop in front of the house but I missed the bus. When I came back into the house, there was a small fire. I had left the iron on and the wax paper had ignited. If I hadn't missed the bus, the house would have surely burned down.
For me, though, as horrible as it would have been to burn the house down, nothing compares with the horror, shame and humiliation I felt when a friend found me in the apartment in drag. I remember playing "dress up" as a small child. In fact, there was a photograph my grandmother had saved of me in a dress when I was probably about five years old. There is 8mm film of me swirling in a dress around that same time. As a small boy, I remember having some of what nowadays would be called "gender confusion." Everyone has a self image of themselves. I remember feeling confused at the time about mine and who I was and what gender I was and how I fit in with others. I think this confusion persisted much of my childhood but came to an abrupt end in fourth grade.
There were a couple of times in early childhood, or maybe it was only once, that others dressed me up in drag for Halloween. This was probably in first or second grade. I know that we went trick or treating from Ole and Rex's house. Rex was a "teaser" and teased everyone and, for the most part, this was part of his charm. He teased me over repeatedly over the years about being a "girl." I am not sure if that started before that Halloween or after but it was another ongoing childhood humiliation and embarrassment.
There were often times that we were left alone in my childhood. I don't know now where everyone was at the time, but I remember being alone in the house and wanting to put on a dress. I think I might have put on one of mom's bras as well. High heels, if there were any available, I have no doubt. I don't remember all of the details but I was flouncing around in this drag and suddenly a boyhood acquaintance came bursting through the door to find me for something. Back then, nobody locked their front doors. I just remember him looking at me in shock and my looking at him, terrified of what he might tell others. I don't remember what he said or if he told anyone else but I remember it was one of the most humiliating and life changing experiences in my young life. To this day, a gay man in his senior years, I have never felt comfortable with "doing drag." Any time it has even crossed my mind for a second, I remember back to this horrific episode of being discovered, hiding in a closet.
Hebert must have been born by this time and he and Donna and David were living pretty well by comparison. They always had plenty to eat and never went without heat and even had color television! Irene, as good as she could be to us sometimes, she always seemed to have an underlying resentfulness of Darlene, Roger or I ever getting much of anything material from my dad and made sure that her kids always got something more or better. I guess protecting your own kids and providing for them is a natural maternal instinct and I suppose it was natural for her to want more for her own children.
In addition to Irene's resentments toward our receiving much of anything in the way of financial support, I think my dad resented the idea of child support itself. Like many men, he was fine with providing us with food and clothing when we were in his home but avoided sending money to my mom for those same things. My mom often said that if the judge would have given her the business when they divorced, she could have sent him twice the amount of child support he was supposed to be sending us and she could still provide for us kids and live well. That was not the reality of the situation though.
Is it better to live inside the asylum where you are fed and cared for and there is structure and predictability or is it better to live outside the asylum where nothing is predictable and change is constant and hunger is a common experience? Even though my step-sister and brothers, Donna, David and Hebert were having a relatively more stable home life in some ways, such as not moving around constantly and not going hungry or not wearing clothes with holes in them, the fact is that they lived in their own kind of hell. They lived inside the asylum with my dad and Irene and the drinking and the violence and the screaming and the pure insanity.
It was while living on Broadway that mom meant George. She had been going square dancing with aunt Billie and her husband Joe, who was a "caller" for square dancing. They were the parents of my cousins Don and Nola and we kids also spent quite a bit of time in their home when we were growing up.
Chubby Checker, who had brought us "The Twist" was now encouraging us to Twist again with his song, "Let's Twist Again." Chubby Checker also wanted us do another dance with his song, "Pony Time" and then he wanted us to do "The Fly." Of course, I learned all these dance fads which also included The Mashed Potato. Mary Griffin and I did all these dances together at The Candy Shop in downtown Palouse at one time or another. The Shirelles had several hits in 1961 that would go on to become classics, "Dedicated to the One I Love," and "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?" and "Mama Said." Connie Francis upset my aunt, Bert, when she sang, "Where the Boys Are." Ray Charles' "Hit the Road Jack" is another song I remember from the Candy Shop jukebox in Palouse.
I think that by this time, Roger must have already been taking guitar lessons in Spokane and was singing Ricky Nelson's "Travelin' Man." I can still remember the first couple of verses from that song after all these years.
One of my all time favorite novelty songs from back then is "Does Your Chewing Gum Lose It's Flavor." As a little boy, I learned all the words and loved the silly sound when Lonnie Donegan sang the words, "...does it catch upon your tonsils, and you heave it left and right... eh eh... does your chewing gum lose it's flavor on the bedpost over night?" Jimmy Dean's "Big Bad John" also had a lot of appeal at the time. This was also the year the classic "Stand by Me" was released by Ben E. King.
Somehow, by third grade, I was attending Grant Elementary in Spokane. Darlene remembers a street named "Milton" but I don't remember it at all. If I remember correctly, Grant was not considered by some as a very good school. I suppose that part of that was socioeconomics of that side of town and racism. Grant was the first real integrated school that I attended. There were African-American kids and Asian kids there. I remember being friendly with an African-American boy and going with him to his house but I had to wait outside rather than come in his house. This was the fist African-American that I ever knew and I remember liking him.
We lived on 10th Street in Spokane during this period. That is where I had a dog which was named Taffy. There are very few things that I remember about that house. I know we were pretty poor at the time and had our heat shut off at one point while living there and it was very cold. I think I had a birthday party there in which most of the kids were more interested in playing with Roger than playing with me and I was hurt by that. I remember one time that I spent a night alone with Taffy in that house when my mom thought I was in Palouse but I had come back early with my cousins Nola and Don and their dad, Joe.
I don't remember what my Mom was doing at this point? Was she working? I don't know. I only know she was depressed. It seems to me that she was depressed for much of my childhood. She would sometimes be crying for reasons that I didn't understand and she didn't just cry, but she would sob as in much emotional pain. I wanted to help her but didn't know how. Darlene often seemed to step in to play the role of mother when mom was in such emotional turmoil or my aunt Ole would step in.
By the end of 1959, we had been bouncing around from one place to another quite a bit. We would stay in Ole and Rex's basement, or stay with Billie and Joe, or be shipped over to my aunt Bert in Palouse. Life was full of chaos. Maybe it is because of all this chaos in my early life that I have always craved stability as an adult.
At some point during all this turmoil, my mom came to have a restaurant outside Spokane, along the old highway out toward the airport, called Carrol's Country Kitchen. The restaurant had a small apartment in the back. We attended school at a place that I thought was called "Four Square" but Roger doesn't remember going to school from Carol's Country Kitchen at all. When I tried to find a school on the internet called "Four Square," I was unable to do so but I did find an area called "
Four Lakes" near the area in which I think the school existed so maybe I have just confused the name over the years. I do think it was near Cheney, Washington which is outside of Spokane and would be in the right direction. I do remember that there were several grades in my classroom. This was similar to how it had been in Palouse as well. This was another small, country school that didn't have enough students to fill each grade level so several grade levels would be taught within each class. I don't think we went there very long, like most schools of my childhood, but I remember taking an interest in some of the reading from above my class level. We took a bus to the school each morning.
|The restaurant was just a greasy spoon sort of place, serving burgers and fries and had a jukebox and each table had it's own wall box where a patron could remotely select three songs for a quarter that would play on the jukebox. There were a lot of "novelty" songs in those days, or at least what I would call "novelty" songs now such as The Big Bopper's "Chantilly Lace," Dean Martin's "My Heart is an Open Book" was popular at the time. I remember LOVING "Purple People Eater" by Sheb Wooley and "Yakety Yak" by The Coasters. We were all singing The Kingston Trio's hit, "Tom Dooley." Jerry Lee Lewis tore it up with "Great Balls of Fire." Bobby Darin's "Splish Splash" was fun as was "Beep Beep" from The Playmates. Everybody wanted to have "Personality" that Lloyd Price sang about. It was a more innocent time. Check out my iTunes list for more great songs from that era.
I helped peel potatoes for the spiral french fries. My Mom worked long hours and I think some of her sisters might have helped out at different times.
I guess my Mom was "dating" by this time. I'm not so sure that the divorce from my Dad had actually been finalized yet or not. I remember one fool that my mom saw briefly used to say that you should only call a woman, "lover or Mother" but not "Mom." He was pretty creepy to me but I don't remember much else about him.
At some point during third grade, I must have stayed with my Aunt Bert in Palouse and went to school with my second-cousins David and Alec. The school in Palouse consisted of one, two story building. The upper floor was high school and the lower floor was grade school. There would be more than one grade level in a classroom as there were not enough students to have a classroom for each grade level. Somewhere along the line, my cousin, Guy, was giving me a haircut. Alec, David and I had seen the movie, "Last of the Mohicans." It must have been the 1936 version with Randolph Scott and Bruce Cabot as the next version that came out was in 1963. Like most kids, we liked playing cowboys and Indians and when Guy was cutting my hair, I asked for a Mohawk haircut. He obliged and then would suffer the wrath of Bert, later when she came home and saw what he had done. I loved it, though, and begged to keep it. When I returned to Spokane, to a little elementary school near John R. Roger's High School, a note was sent home with me that told my mom that the haircut was inappropriate for the class. I don't think I was kicked out. I think I was just given another hair cut to even everything out.
I don't know how long it was after my mom met him, that George moved to Texas. I don't remember him being around all that long in Spokane. Mom had dated a few men since separating from my dad and none of them seemed very consequential. I guess kids can be oblivious to what is going on with the adults around them. I don't know what it was that motivated my mom to follow George to Texas.
I remember thinking, or knowing at some point, that life had been pretty miserable for her, and us, after the divorce from my dad. and I think she was looking for a way out of that misery and poverty. I think she may have seen George as a way out. That may not be true at all and maybe there was much more passion than I realized at the time, as I was very young, but I do understand such motivation as being very possible and being much more reasonable than passion anyway. As I got older, I realized that even in my own life, it is not the fire hot, passionate relationships that sustain you the most through life. Those come and go. It is sometimes practicality and stability that make a good relationship. Regardless, I think that my mother did grow to love George over the years they were together and it was a different kind of love than what she had experienced with my own father.
Abilene Texas was one of the worst experiences of my life up to that point. I traveled there by train with my mom and my mom used to tell the story of the kind conductor giving us a free berth to sleep in one night. As I remember it, this was one of those old fashioned kinds of berths which I have only seen otherwise in the movie "Some Like it Hot." The berth consisted of just a space that you could lie down in. There were both upper berths and lower berths and I think there was only a curtain that came down over the berth to give you privacy. I think that entire trip took about three days.
It never occurred to me when we went to Abilene that it would be such a life changing experience. I just assumed it would be another temporary location like all the other transient, temporary locations in my life. I was enrolled in school there and the first day or second day I came home from school, my mom proudly showed me her new wedding ring. I was distraught and hysterical to think that my mother had married George without preparing me or discussing it beforehand, but in those days, as I said before, the adults I knew rarely took into consideration the feelings or needs of children. You were just expected to go along with whatever the adults decided based on their needs and feelings.
The elementary school in Abilene was the first and only time I ever attended a segregated school. The school bus on which I rode to school picked up both black and white kids. The white kids segregated themselves in the back of the bus and the black kids rode in the front. As far as I can remember, they did not interact. The black kids would all get off the bus at an old schoolhouse out in the middle of nowhere and then the white kids would be brought to the modern, new school in town. For some reason, there was a kid in my class that I think was partially Hispanic. He was the only friend I remember having in Abilene. Most of the kids at the school were pretty horrible to me. I was teased on both the school bus and at the school for talking with an "northern" accent. Of course, it was not me that had an accent at all.
One day, one of the older white boys wanted me to lift up a girls dress and I refused to do it. He kept haranguing me to do it and when he asked me why I wouldn't do it, the only answer I could think to give was "because I'm a Christian." From then on, the horrible Texan white boys on the bus would call me "Christian." The fact is that I was really not religious at all. I had been in a church choir for a while with my cousin Nola in Spokane and I had enjoyed the Bible Study class when I attended Bryant, but otherwise, I really wasn't religious and I don't remember ever attending any church while we were in Abilene.
I don't remember Roger on this racist school bus of hate but in recent conversations, he remembered riding the school bus in Abilene. I remember Darlene being there and actually fainting one day when the redneck hate mongers were teasing us. It happened just as we were arriving at the black school and she was taken off the bus for a moment. I think that she returned to the bus and we continued on to school but I am not certain about that. School was pretty awful too. For instance, in Washington, children were taught that Lincoln was one of the great Presidents, but in Abilene, our teacher only questioned Lincoln's greatness. The teacher must have been fundamentalist Christian and taught against the theory of evolution..
Roger had actually been sent back to Arkansas when my mom met George. He says that he was out of control and he thinks mom wanted to get him out of the way so he wouldn't affect her new, budding relationship. I don't remember that at all. I do know that we were expected to act differently around George and be on our best manners. I was up to that task most of the time as I think I was always eager to please others. George was the first person I had ever known that didn't smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol. He was balding and what some might call a "nerd." He was an aeronautics engineer, although I had no idea what that meant. Apparently, when Roger went back to Arkansas, Darlene was shipped off to Toppenish.
Phantom Lake smelled pretty nasty much of the time. When mom and I had first arrived there, it was shortly after a flood and the cabin had been flooded and had the stench of the lake.
I do remember Roger swimming in the lake with me. He was very athletic then even and could swim from the shore on which we lived to the opposite shore. I would sometimes swim in the lake too but you would often see water moccasins and I understood that they were supposed to be poisonous and so swimming in the lake became less appealing.
I remember the scraggly mesquite trees and the inclement weather. We had a dog there but I don't remember her name. She had puppies in a shed out back of the cabin and I remember running out to try to get them into the house during a hail storm when the hail was as big as golf balls and I got hit pretty hard on the back of the head. There were tornadoes in Abilene, too, and I remember making plans for getting into the bathtub with a mattress over us to protect ourselves although it never did actually come to that.
I learned to hitchhike in Texas. I don't think it was too long after Roger arrived in Abilene that he had done something that had angered George. I had never really been disciplined by George that I can remember at that time but Roger was more rebellious. Whatever it was that Roger did, George hit him with a clenched fist. I don't think it was in the face- maybe the arm or a leg or something but it upset my mother quite a bit and she took Roger and I and we started walking toward town. I can't remember if she actually stuck her thumb out but I think she might have and we got a ride with a stranger who took us quite a ways, but not all the way into town. I think that George showed up in the Volkswagen about that time and there were some tears and he and mom made up and after that, he didn't really attempt to do any more disciplining of us kids. Mom was always pretty much "in between" as a "buffer" between us and him. George never felt like a "father" to me since we still had our own dad. He was the guy that married our mom. He was our mom's husband.
George was a pretty good man actually, He didn't drink or smoke and he belonged to the Sierra Club and was athletic and health conscious. He was a bit of a nerd too.
I still remember one present I got for Christmas while in Texas. It was a pictorial book about Broadway actors and shows. It may have had cinematic actors as well but I'm not sure about that. Regardless, it was the perfect gift for a young gay boy that wanted to be an actor when he grew up. At another time, George came home with a business card with the autograph of Jerry Lewis. I was a big Jerry Lewis fan and it was thrilling to have the little card. I think I saved that card for years and it was in mom's cedar chest when the cedar chest was stolen some years later.
All our lives that I can remember, my mom had an exquisite cedar chest in which she kept family heirlooms and treasures. One of Darlene's favorite dolls from her early childhood was in there. I remember an elaborate smoking pipe carved from white ivory. There were dishes and fabric and the record that Roger and I made later in our lives when we were with the Luv Please. All those treasures were lost one summer when mom and George left the cedar chest at their place in Hunters Washington.
George's parents lived in San Diego. He also had five girls there by a previous marriage: Sandy, Carol, Barbie, Connie, and Georgie. A few of them had visited the cabin out at Phantom Lake in Abilene but I don't remember anything about those visits. I know there came a time that Darlene and I might have gone back up to Washington or took a flight somewhere on the day that we were all dressed up. I think people got dressed up to fly back then. I'm not sure if Darlene stayed in Washington and I went back to Texas but the next thing I remember is taking a trip to California in George's blue Volkswagen bug. I seem to remember it was Roger and I in the back seat for that trip. I think that we stopped along the way at the Grand Canyon and maybe we went to Crater Lake on that trip but I'm not certain. George was a mountaineer as it turned out and did take us to such places.
I think it was on that trip to California that we went through San Francisco and Roger and I got sick after eating some clam chowder or something and we spent most of the time in a hotel room while Mom and George went out. We also stopped at Disneyland and that was the highlight of the trip for me of course. The trip ended in San Diego and meeting George's parents. I think we may have even stayed in their home but I'm not sure about that and I don't remember going back to Texas, so maybe we had actually driven out to stay in California but for some reason, I think we came out to visit for one trip and then moved on another trip. I am pretty sure Darlene was with us when we were there looking for a house. I do remember being in Escondido at some point and staying at a motel and mom and George taking our clothes to a laundromat and must have left them there unattended and they got stolen. I think that was the same day or around the same time that I had my first McDonald's hamburger or it may have been some other fast food place where hamburgers were ten for a dollar or ten cents a piece.
There were times when I would live in Palouse. I think Roger and Darlene also spent time there. I don't remember if either of them actually went to school there or not.
My aunt, Bert, had a piece of land in Palouse and at various times had chickens and milk cows and horses. It is there that I learned to ride horses.Bert had a Shetland pony at one point that was pretty ornery and I think even bucked me off one time but sometimes we would hitch the pony up to a cart Bert had and we would ride in the cart with the Shetland pony pulling it through town. There was very little car traffic in those days and so it was pretty safe to ride a horse and cart through main street.
I was in Palouse during the Cuban Missile Crisis and remember overhearing the adults talk about what was going on and hearing about bomb shelters. Along with my cousins, David and Alec, we began digging a hole for a bomb shelter but we didn't get very far before we gave up and it rained and turned to a hole of mud.
Guy was my cousin but he was much older than I. He was in the same age group as my half-brother, Jim. My mom's sisters Hank Moore and Flo Moore were older than my mom and her sister's, Billie and Ole. Hank and Flo's kids were probably teenagers when I was born as were Bert Emerson's kids, Guy and Joe. Darlene, Roger and I didn't really have much in common with Jim or the Moore kids or Bert's kids. Bert's grandkids, Guys children, (my second cousins), David and Alec were closer to the age of Darlene, Roger and I as well as Gail, Nola and Don.
David and Alec knew how to milk cows and they got up every morning to do so. It was my perception that Guy was having difficulties with alcohol and there were times that I felt he was horrible and cruel to his son David, (although I am not sure if David actually would have agreed with that assessment). I never had the opportunity to discuss any of that with David as an adult. I don't remember Guy being quite as cruel to Alec but maybe he was at other times that I wasn't present. I remember David having some problems not unusual for a child his age. Problems that kids have at that age can not be beat or harangued out of them. I suppose every parent gets frustrated at some point with every child. It is never an excuse to be abusive and from my perspective, I thought Guy was abusive to David at times.
Guy was married to Blazena, but she was his second marriage and she was not the mother of David and Alec. I'm not sure how she actually spelled her name and so I am spelling it phonetically. She was from Czechoslovakia and had lived in a concentration camp during World War 2. Her daughters were Toni and Mary and they had the last name Griffith. Mary would be the first girl in my life that I ever kissed and one of the few in my life that I actually made out with. She was a couple of years older than I and we always seemed to have fun together.
In my ancestry, my great grandmother on my mother's side was a "Wear." Her descendants, "the Wear brothers" also lived with Bert at various times. The Wear boys were always pretty well accepted by most in the Walling family. Bert had essentially taken them in and practically adopted them. Blashna's daughter, Toni, would marry a Wear.
Palouse was otherwise an idyllic place for me. I loved riding horses. I loved the farm animals. I loved the little school that we went to at the time. I am sure they must have torn down the old schoolhouse by now, but when I went there, it was a two story building. High school was upstairs and elementary school was downstairs. I think that sometimes classrooms at Palouse would contain kids from more than one grade level. I learned to swim at the Palouse pool. I did the twist with my cousin Mary Griffin at the Sweetshop downtown.
Blazena's daughter, Mary, was an important person in my childhood. I think she was really the first girl I ever had a crush on. She was a year or two older than me and we had some great times together. She introduced me to the music of Johnny Mathis. I remember her reading Edgar Allen Poe stories to us and was especially dramatic when reading Poe's "The Tell Tale Heart." She was the first girl I ever really kissed which I remember took place in the schoolyard in Palouse and I think David and Alec might have been at that event.
I don't remember if Mary was in Palouse when I was in second grade. I think it was probably over a couple of other visits to Palouse a few years later that I developed a crush on
her. I know that I knew her by the time I went to live in Escondido a few years later when I was twelve or so and still wearing Brylcream in my hair. I still have the picture she sent to me to remember her by. It was definitely what they called "puppy love."
I remember Mary in association with songs on the radio: Chubby Checker's "The Twist" (1960) and then "Let's Twist Again" (1961), I would have been about nine years old. I think I was also in Palouse about the time "Monster Mash" was released in 1962. I also remember listening to "Where the Boys Are" in Palouse and my aunt Bert feeling it was a little obscene.
That first year that I got to know Mary, we used to go to a little joint downtown that sold hamburgers and I think they called it "The Sweet Shop" but I could be wrong about that. People would play Chubby Checkers, "The Twist" or "Let's Twist Again" or the Starliters' "Peppermint Twist" and she and I would dance. There wasn't a whole lot of entertainment in Palouse at the time so people were easily amused. I think we were even given a free burger or a dollar or something and were pretty excited by the attention.
|Another year, marked by Sonny and Cher's "I Got You Babe," I was in Palouse again and my crush on Mary continued, even though I also had a girlfriend in Escondido by that time, named Kathy. It must have been 1965 by that time and Mary could drive. I am not sure whose car she was driving at the time but I do remember going with her to the drive-in and making out as kids did in those days. We both still loved to dance that year and I remember that Mary would pull the car over, wherever we were at the time, when a hit we both liked came on and we would just get out and dance right there by the car in the middle of nowhere.|
I guess we lived in a bit of a kids fantasy world at the time and somewhere along the road in 1965, when I was visiting Palouse, Mary and I decided to go to Los Angeles to become the "next" Sonny and Cher. Apparently she didn't really have her own car and we considered hopping freight trains but then settled on hitchhiking. I must have been about thirteen or fourteen at that time and Mary must have been sixteen. After getting several rides, we made it to Moscow, Idaho which is about 26 miles from Palouse. I'm sure we didn't have any money at the time but we were not really concerned about such realities. We were going to be famous!
On the last leg of our journey to Moscow, we were picked up by an older, heavy-set man that took us into Moscow and offered to buy us dinner. We went with him to a little greasy spoon restaurant and it seems to me that he had a heart attack or something medical, and we left. Apparently someone at the restaurant called the police or the police just saw us walking along the street as dusk was approaching and we were picked up and brought to the city jail. Mary was put in one cell and I was put into another. We weren't bothered by it at all. We were on an adventure and loving every minute as far as I can remember. We were singing Sonny and Cher's "I Got You Babe" and other songs of the time. There was one other person in another cell nearby that called out to us, "Do you know "Far Away?" Neither of us knew of any song called "Far Away." Then the stranger we never saw yelled out, "Sing Far Away... sing far, far away..." Which we got and laughed at the joke.
Meanwhile, the police had contacted my Aunt Bert and a little while later, Guy arrived to bring us back to Palouse. He was furious. He implied that something sexual might be going on but there wasn't and we just thought he was crude and boorish. He was probably drunk at the time. My aunt Bert might have been in the car too, but I'm not sure about that. Regardless, that was the end of our Sonny and Cher fantasy and probably the last year that Mary was a part of my life.
I believe Mary passed away in the late 90's or early 2000's. I had not seen her since we were kids in Palouse. I have often wondered where her life took her and what kind of a life she had.
Nola and I visited years later and then Milton and I also visited. Here are a couple of pics of Bert's property years after she had sold it and had moved to New Mexico and passed away:
The little theater downtown Palouse:
When I was in first grade, we lived on Marietta street in Spokane and I attended Cooper Elementary. I remember loving my teacher at Cooper and I played one of the wise men in a school Christmas play. For years after this, I thought I wanted to be an actor when I grew up. I also remember several humiliating experiences during that year on Marietta.
This was the first year that I had been anywhere that I remember having separate restrooms for boys and girls. I don't know that I had ever seen a urinal before. I must have, you would think, but I guess it is possible that I had always been with my mother in the women's restroom up until this point in my life? Since my father was pretty much absent by this time, I don't think I had been in many public men's restrooms and I was not used to these contraptions on the walls that the boys would walk up to and use, standing up. I tried to fit in and use them like the other boys, but I think one of them must have suspected my discomfort and teased me and made it a pretty miserable experience. I remember that I much preferred to hide in a stall to do my business after this.
First grade boys can be merciless. Since it is the first year that one is really out of the home for eight hours of the day, a hierarchy and power structure begins to develop. Those boys that are most comfortable in the world at that point and are fearless and aggressive, take the power. It was in first grade that I first had the experience of being subjugated by another boy. His name was Pat and he lived on the next block from where we lived, but I didn't know that the first day we met in a field that I was crossing on my way home from school. As I was crossing this field, I encountered Pat for the first time and he confronted me and for some reason, told me to roll up my pants a few inches above my ankles. I don't know why he would have wanted me to do that or why that would have been so humiliating, but I guess that it was more about his being able to inflict fear in me and force me to do something, regardless of what that something was. I know that I obliged and then went home crying... but after this, Pat probably became my first best friend for the brief period that we lived there on Marietta.
It was also in first grade that I remember becoming sexualized for the first time. A neighbor girl and I did some innocent minor exploration and my mom found out about it and I was reprimanded. First grade is when I first became aware of some of the cuss words and remember asking my mom what they met. It was also a time of exploration with other boys, including Pat.
Since I was in first grade at the time, and about six years old, Darlene must have been about ten. Now it seems unthinkable that such young kids would be left on their own, but I think that we were much of the time. Darlene tells of a couple of incidents when we were this young. One of the incidents involved a man in a park that tried to get her to come into the bathroom with him. Roger was there and yelled and screamed and rescued her. In another story, she had gone down by the Green Street bridge in Spokane where Roger was fishing, and some teenager about eighteen years old attacked her and her girlfriend went for help and a women responded and scared the teenager away. Somehow the police were involved and came to our home.
It also seems to me that by this time, I was going downtown Spokane by myself or my friend Pat when I was only in first grade. The Ritz theater in Spokane seemed to always be showing the horror movies that I loved and a ticket only cost a dime back then. The El Rey theater also showed horror movies on occasion when they were not showing more adult fare. I remember going to the movies at these old, decrepit theaters and adult men would come and sit beside me in the dark. I remember one wanting me to meet him by the Spokane river on a particular day, at a particular time, but even at this young age, I was wise enough not to go.
There would be other men in other situations that took advantage of my naivety. I know that I was not the only one of us kids that these things were happening to as others have shared their experiences with me later in my life. On the surface, Spokane seemed like such an innocent, ideal place to raise children, and I do think that in most ways that it was, but maybe because of this, and it being the late 1950's, parents were not on guard for predators like they are now. At the time, in the late fifties, people didn't really talk about such things and parents were much more naive. I realized very quickly, at a young age, that adult men could not always be trusted and that I was pretty much on my own when it came to dealing with them. I learned that you couldn't trust what you saw on the surface because men would sometimes have ulterior motives for being nice to you. The men that ignored you and made no pretense at being nice to you were actually the ones that you could trust the most- at least to be consistent and not want anything from you.
If adult men could not be trusted, they were also very scary to me. In my youth, adult men were much more serious disciplinarians than women and mothers. Sure, our mother might spank us with her hand or even a belt, but my father could do it with much for forcefulness and terror. All adult men had the power to terrorize children and apparently had societies permission to do so. It was a much different time. Nice men were not to be trusted and all the other adult men were to be feared.
I think that my mom was pretty depressed for some years after she left my dad. I think there were times that she would just lay in her bed and sob. I do remember other times that she read to us Greek mythology and encouraged us to learn poetry. By this time, I was beginning to have my doubts about Santa Clause but do remember a great Christmas where Pete and Jim visited Christmas eve and all of our presents materialized under the tree that night. We always seemed to have a piano and it was on Marietta, I remember Darlene and Roger learning to play violins. I think that Darlene played with her class in a concert that we went to and at some point was also learning the Harpsichord and the Hawaiian guitar.
There was a time that I was hit in the face by another little boy on Marietta street and was expected by the other kids to fight but instead of fighting, I went crying to my mom in the house. Her response was to tell the story of Jesus turning his cheek. I retorted "I'm not Jesus!" It did make an impression on me though. Although my mom never seemed religious, there were sporadic encounters with Christianity as I was growing up. I think that it was around this time that I might have been in a church choir with my cousin, Nola or maybe that was later. I know that one friend took me to a Catholic church around this time for Ash Wednesday and somehow I got the ash on my forehead. I think that I somehow even took communion as I remember I was told that I shouldn't chew the wafer that they put on my tongue.
Donna was also born about the time I was six years old. I don't remember seeing much of my dad up to this point. Maybe his life had been a bit chaotic too?
I don't remember anything about second grade and I don't have any pictures or video of that year. David must have been born that year as he is a year younger than Donna. I think part of the year may have been spent in Arkansas. I think that my fathers parents lived near Little Rock at the time. It seems odd to me that my mom and the three of us kids would take the train to Arkansas without my dad but Darlene says that mom was close to Dad's parents as they had lived or visited in Grandview. Dad's brother Pete had lived with us in Grandview as well and often credited my mom with being an influence in his life and education which led to his being a judge.
I remember very little about that trip. I think it must have taken about three days to get there. Roger says that we got off the train and spent a night in a hotel in Minneapolis-St. Paul. Darlene vaguely remembers the trip as well.
I think I always had a pretty good attitude under whatever circumstances I was presented with but I don't think I liked Arkansas. There were plenty of cousins and I remember playing in some red clay outside. I know I attended school briefly in Arkansas but I don't remember anything specific about it. I went out hunting with my grandfather and Roger and I don't remember anything about hunting except for mud puddles which had some kind of live creatures and wondering how they got there. I guess they must have been some sort of minnows or slugs or something or maybe it is just a dream I had. There was wood to chop at my grandparents house for the wood stove and Roger was strong enough to actually chop wood but I didn't have the strength. I got the only case of poison oak or poison ivy I ever had while I was in Arkansas. It was a pretty miserable place for me.
|The first time I saw Elvis Presley on television was that year at my grandparents house. I would have been six in January of 1957. He sang "Hound Dog." He made a big impression on me. 1957 was a great year for Elvis Presley with multiple hits such as "All Shook Up," "Teddy Bear," "Jailhouse Rock," and "Love me Tender." The Everly Brothers had a couple of hits that year with "Bye Bye Love" and "Wake Up Little Susie." Once Roger had started guitar lessons, he would come back to these songs of 1957 often. He did a version of "Jailhouse Rock" and "Hound Dog" at various times. I know we all loved Jimmy Rodgers' "Honeycomb." Debbie Reynolds had a hit with the theme song from the movie of the same name, "Tammy." Jerry Lee Lewis and Little Richard seemed to compete for songs that tore up the dance floor and had us screaming with Jerry's "Whole Lot of Shakin" and Little Richard's "Keep a Knockin." These are all songs that would stay with me for the rest of my life. 1957 was a very good year for music fans. Elvis would go on to have a long career as "The King."|
I don't remember how any of us got back to Washington from Arkansas. Darlene and Roger don't either. Did dad drive down to get us? I wish I could remember. We were in Arkansas, and then we were back in Washington. I think I finished out second grade or started third grade in Palouse. That is how much of my childhood memories are- fractured and shattered..
Grandview to Toppenish
I was born on the Yakima Indian Reservation in Washington State and my early childhood was spent treading water in a cesspool of racism and alcoholic desperation. I spent the fifth grade in Abilene Texas which was then part of the segregated South and I had my first experiences with Black/White segregation and Southerner vs Northerner animosity. After Abilene, the remainder of my childhood was spent in bland blond Southern California. I was segregated/expelled from the Orange Glen Elementary school for refusing to conform to the local dress code. I expressed my adolescent angst through poetry, growing hair, playing drums, acting, and writing plays. When I was sixteen I dropped out, tuned in and turned on. I came to San Francisco for the first time for the Summer of Love and eventually moved there for the gay disco seventies.
In 1953 I was Donnie, a little kid riding his tricycle in Grandview, a small town on the Yakima Indian Reservation. I remember very little from that time except for playing in a field behind our house, collecting grasshoppers in glass jars. We were terribly cruel to those grasshoppers as young boys are prone to be. Although my Mom's son from her first marriage, Jim, and my Dad's brother, my uncle Pete, lived with us at the time, I only vaguely remember Pete like a wisp of smoke in a dream. I don't really remember Jim at all from that time. My Mom had some aunts that lived in the area and they babysat us sometimes and I remember them as stern, very scary women. I remember a cookoo clock on the wall and that's about it. I remember getting my toes caught in a tricycle wheel when I was a young child but I am not sure if that was in Grandview or Spokane, a few years later.
My Mom often told the story of having a restaurant before meeting my Dad after World War II. She would tell how teenagers would come in and would be mixing the ketchup with the mustard and otherwise disruptive and to distract them and bond with them so they would be less problematic, she began reading palms. This caught the imagination of the young kids coming into the restaurant and they seemed more respectful. Mom told of one fortune in which a young girl had lost a ring and had searched everywhere for it. Mom told her that it was at a movie theater in some row and the girl went back there and found the ring. Some of my Mom's stories became almost mythological in my youth. She seemed to have amazing mystical powers.
The way I remember it, after my Mom met my Dad, she sold her little restaurant in Grandview and they purchased The Pastime tavern but Darlene says that The Pastime was the same restaurant but was just changed into a bar when Dad got a liquor license. Darlene also told me that Dad sold the Pastime and bought into a partnership at the Brunswick in Toppenish without discussing it with my Mom. Apparently his partner was Jack Ladd and I don't remember anything about him.
Jim Tarbert, being older than both Darlene and I, is probably the best source of information about Grandview. He said:
"Mom was sent to Grandview to work in the train depot there. She soon tired of that, and with the money I think mostly from selling the house and from wherever else, she bought the Candy Kitchen café in Grandview. When she did that she sent for me, [Jim], as I had stayed in Spokane with Grandma. That was in 1943 and I was in the 3rd grade. Ole and Rex also came down and worked with her there. They later moved to Yakima and Rex drove the Arden Ice Cream truck and delivered all over the Yakima Valley all the way to Richland. I used to ride from Grandview to Richland and Pasco with him occasionally.
Jim goes on to say, "In 1945 Mom sold out and bought another restaurant across the street. That was when your Dad and everyone else came home from the war. She married him after a while. He made a tavern out of the place after a long fight for a license, and then they sold that and bought into the Pastime Tavern back over next to where Mom's original café was."
My earliest memories of the 1950's include Eisenhower being President, Sputnik, black and white television. hula hoops and bomb shelters. I remember hearing the word "communists" and having no idea what it meant, very much like so many people to this day that toss the word around. It was a time of Elvis, Fabian, beatniks, Marilyn Monroe, and dance "crazes." I'm not sure if The Twist and the Mashed Potato were late fifties or early sixties but I do know that I learned them all.
Darlene was the true Elvis fan, although I was a fan too, in the late fifites and early sixties. My favorite star at the time was Jerry Lewis. I also loved The Three Stooges. It is strange how we laugh at different things when we are kids. Now Jerry Lewis and Stooges movies just seem obnoxious, but when I was a kid, they were hysterical.
There were only three television stations to watch back then and so everyone watched the same shows for the most part: "The Wonderful World of Disney," "The Ed Sullivan Show," "Shirley Temple's Storybook," "Howdy Doody," "Captain Kangaroo," "Gunsmoke," and "You Are There." Kids everywhere were bewildered why their own dysfunctional families were not more like the familes they saw on "Ozzie and Harriet," and "Father Know's Best." "Old Yeller" and "Lassie" were the favorite dogs of the decade.
Although my Dad and his second wife, Irene, lived on South Beech Street, I always got my mail at The Brunswick at 14 South Toppenish Avenue. The Brunswick was the tavern, restaurant and cigar store that my Dad had bought in Toppenish after he and Mom sold The Pastime. As Darlene said, he was initially in partnership with Jack Ladd but somewhere along the line, probably after Jack died, Dad became the sole
owner. There was always a barbershop next door on one side which rented the space from my Dad and there was always a bar on the other side that competed with my Dad.
In those days, to serve alcohol, a tavern in Washington also had to serve food. Dad was always trying to get the elusive license to sell hard liquor but was never able to accomplish this and the Brunswick was destined to only have a license for beer and wine and some gambling. When you first entered the double doors in those days, immediately in front of you was a long aisle that extended to the large back room with the pool tables and then an exit out into the alley.. To your left when entering the building were several restaurant tables and along the right wall was the restaurants counter and then several booths. Beyond the tables on the left when you first entered, there was always the cigarette machine standing outside a small alcove where the door to Dad's office was. The dark wood bar took up about a third of the left wall. When I was a kid there was always a glass case with cigars and chewing tobacco right across from the cigarette machine. Behind the bar there were always punchboard prizes (punchboards are a form a gambling that was legal in Washington) over the counter where the glasses and cash register were. Mirrors covered that wall and behind that wall were my Dad's office on one end and storage on the other end..
Men often chewed tobacco in those days and even though there were spittoons available, they often just spat on the floor. I remember there was some kind of red sawdust type substance that was spread on the floor and then swept up to soak up all the spittle and other filth. At the end of the aisle between the restaurant and the bar, there was always a jukebox playing old 45's- a little bit of country and a little bit of pop. Dad didn't have a dance license so there was no dancing there. Beyond the bar, the restaurant and the jukebox was the pool room where there were several snooker tables that had all red balls and were larger than regular pool tables. There were also some regular pool tables. I think I remember that Dad had some kind of other game in the bar where you slid a puck down a slick wook surface and hit some kind of bowling type pins.
In my childhood, up until my early teens, it seemed like The Brunswick did pretty good business. Back then it had an eclectic mix of customers including Indians, Mexicans, a few old white farmers, railroad men, and occasionally a black person. Toppenish was on an Indian reservation but it was also agricultural and so there would be an annual influx of Hispanics from Mexico that arrived each year to pick the crops. It seemed that there was often conflict between the Indians and the Hispanics.
Toppenish had a railroad station and the many times I remember arriving there in the middle of the night. Some of those that worked at the station came in The Brunswick. I think that most of the time someone must have met me at the station as I arrived or departed. I was traveling the trains by myself by the time I was seven or eight years old back and forth from Spokane to Toppenish from my Mom to Dad or from Spokane to Palouse from my mom to my Aunt Bert.
Toppenish was divided by railroad tracks and on one end of town there were a few blocks where there were some black families living and even a bar that catered to them. That was all gone by the time I was an adult as were the farmers visiting the Brunswick. As the sugar beet factory closed and the city declined, the only customers left coming to the Brunswick were derelict alcoholic Indians and Hispanics. After my Dad was killed, Darlene remodeled and removed the restaurant and kept the bar going for a few years, but inevetibly the bar declined to the point that it didn't make business sense to keep it open any longer.
Along the way, as I was growing up I worked in the Brunswick on both the restaurant side as a dishwasher and waiter and the bar side as a bartender. Dad was a pretty miserable boss to work for and even fired me a couple of times. The customers could be rowdy and violent. Roger and Darlene also worked for Dad at different times when he was still alive. I think that Donna, David and Hebert must have had their turns too, although I think I was long out of there by the time they were old enough to work there. Irene was often the cook in the restaurant when it was still in existence and I think she bartender from time to time as well.
The Brunswick was a pretty awful place to work as the customers were mostly poor alcoholics that drank cheap wine and beer. For some years when I was a small child, the restaurant side of it was open twenty four hours a day, but then the hours kept getting cut back. For a while it was just closed for a few hours during the night. There was the old man everyone just called "Eskimo" that was a customer for many years snd sometimes Dad would even let him sleep in the place. A lot of the customers would order beer with tomato juice. Some would sit for hours drinking or fall into a stupor on the bar. I remember one guy that passed out in the soup he had ordered from the restaurant. If someone hadn't woke him up, he probably would have drowned. There was another old man that always ordered just milk and bread because of his ulcers.
Come two in the morning there was often some drama in the Brunswick. If it wasn't my Dad and Irene or one of Dad's other girlfriends creating the drama, it would be a Hispanic looking the wrong way at an Indian or some whore's boyfriend ojecting to her flirting with other men. Sometimes it would just be one guy tyring to outdo another guy with his machismo. There were also a lot of "misunderstandings" of course. When you have that many people drinking so much alcohol, it is inevitable that people will misunderstand the intentions or words of others. There is also the small town element. In my experience, it seems like small town people will often create drama just to keep life interesting. When there isn't anything else to do, people often create drama.
My favorite memories of Toppenish almost all have to do with the Pow Wow days of summer. There was the parade down the street in which my sister Donna wore a banner saying "Miss Toppenish." It seems like she may not have enjoyed it as much as the rest of us did. I think she must have only been in first or second grade at the time and was in a bathing suit with the banner across her chest like a beauty queen. The street dances were the best for me as I always loved to dance. A flatbed truck would appear somewhere and a band would play and kids would dance.
At one Pow Wow street party in the little square in front of the town post office, they actually threw live hens into the audience and I was able to catch one. For a small boy, that was pretty exciting. It wasn't quite the same as the baby chick but this hen didn't seem quite so vulnerable a pet and I was excited to have her. I can't quite remember where it was that I was keeping her but overnight, soon after, she disappeared. I was always suspicious of my Dad possibly taking her and maybe we had her for dinner. I don't know what ever happened to my pet hen.
I remember walking across town many times to the swimming pool and walking home with a wet bathing suit under my clothes because I found it too humiilating to change clothes in the public changing room. I was extremely modest at that time. I remember how proud I was when I was finally able to overcome this modesty. Most of the time that I was in Toppenish it was in the summer as Mom had us the rest of the year. We would spend most every day at the community swimming pool. Toppenish could get pretty hot in the summer time.
I remember the sugar beet factory and the cannery where most of the people of the town worked at one time. Both closed before I was out of my teens. When I was a kid, it seemed like almost everyone either worked at one of the two places. Kids sometimes went out and picked fruit in the spring and could even get out of school to do so but eventually the migrant farm workers from Mexico took that over. American kids really didn't want to work that hard in the early sixties and families quit requiring it as people became more affluent.
My father was a sweet man when he was sober but when he was drinking, he could be dangerously violent. He seemed to know that he was an out of control raging alcoholic when he drank, so much of the time he would be fighting his impulses to drink. Sometimes he took antabuse. He was a binge drinker through much of my childhood and the binges could go on for weeks. My stepmother, Irene, often joined him in the binges..
Dad had become involved with Irene when I was still quite small and they had three children, Donna, David and Hebert. Throughout our childhoods, Darlene, Roger and I would usually visit at various times during the year for weeks or sometimes months and usually in the summertime. I liked Irene because she had a sense of humor and made me laugh. My own Mom always seemed so much more serious and stern back then. Maybe part of that was due to her depression over losing the love of her life, my Dad, to Irene. Regardless, Irene's humor could be dark and she would often say outragious things like telling her kids to go play on the freeway. Of course she didn't mean it, but for me, it was very funny and different from anyone else I had ever known in my childhood. I really liked Irene's sardonic sense of humor.
Irene often sent us to Dairy Queen to pick up a dinner of the best footlong hot dogs I have ever had, hamburgers, milkshakes and french fries. This was long before McDonald's or the other multitude of fast food places that sprang up through the sixties. In Toppenish, there was only Dairy Queen and an A & W Rootbeer stand. A & W had car hops and your food would be brought on a tray that attached to the drivers side window. Dairy Queen was my favorite though. My own mother never took us to such places. It was only on rare occasion that my Mom would let us drink a soda pop and that was usually as a reward for having done something. Irene always had soda pop in the house. When I was in Toppenish, we lived much of the time on either Dairy Queen food or food sent home in a cab from the Brunswick restaurant.
Irene had a freezer filled with steaks and sometimes cooked. She was a good cook and cooked different dishes than my mother did. My favorite dishes that Irene made were what she called "ghoulash" but most people now call "Western Mac," a combination of elbow macaroni, tomato sauce, hamburger, onion, bellpepper and cheese. She also made a great chicken fried steak accompanied by mashed potatos and cream corn. The steak would have chicken gravy and the mashed potatos would be smothered in the cream corn. It is still one of my favorites. Irene also did a lot of canning in the summer as most women did back in those days.
In my memories, it seems like we were practically starving when we were with Mom, up until she married George McHenry, except when she had a restaurant where we could go eat or when we ate at my aunt and uncles, Ole and Rex's house. I just don't remember that we had much of anything. I remember eating rice with milk to fill our stomachs and cinammon toast for dessert. I think there were a lot of time that we went hungry. Mom was always trying to get a business going and I think that most of her resources went into those businesses and I just don't remember her ever doing much shopping for home. We often didn't have a car available for transportation and so she would have to wait for Rex or someone else to drive her to a store.
When we were with our Mom we were not allowed to stay up very late but at Dad and Irene's house the television was on until Johnny Carson signed off and all you could get was snow. In Toppenish, we often fell asleep laying on the carpeted floor in front of the television. My Mom would never allow so much television watching or staying up so late when we were with her. Maybe part of the reason I remember it that way is because we were usually with Mom during the school year and with Dad in the summer so maybe it didn't matter about staying up late.
Life always seemed so strikingly different between life with Mom and life with Dad. With Mom, you were never sure if there would be food in the house, where at Dad's house there was an abundance of food all the time. With Mom, we only bought our clothes at the Goodwill or Salvation Army, where at Dad's everything was bought new. I don't think Donna, David or Hebert have ever owned clothing from Goodwill or Salvation Army or have been in one unless it was to drop something off there.
With Mom, there was always a sparcity of money for toys and amusements but toys were, by comparison, lavished on Irene's kids. I guess there was a bit of a sting in that for Darlene, Roger and I. We were aware that Dad was often negligent about sending child support and we were often put in the middle by our Mom to make phone calls to beg him for money. Irene often seemd resentful or jealous of anything material that Darlene, Roger and I did get and would always be obvious and over the top in making sure that her own kids were compensated over and above anything that we might receive. She seemed to be in a material competition with my Mom to see who could provide the most material goods for their children. It seemed like my Mom just wasn't in the competition at all. Where Irene seemed to think her kids needed everything, my Mom didn't seem to think we needed much of anything.
In Spokane in those days, there were three network television stations, ABC, NBC and CBS and in Toppenish there were just two.. One was NBC and I know that because that was the channel Johnny Carson was on. It seems like Bonanza was often on at my Dad's house when I was growing up.. I think that Toppenish was on UHF and Spokane was on VHF.
Irene was also a binge drinker and she and my Dad would create binges of hell for the rest of us when they were both drinking. In all my later years of working in adult psychiatry, I never saw any insanity that compared to the insanity and mayhem that took place in my Dad and Irene's house on Beech Street in Toppenish when they were drinking. When two o'clock came and the bars closed, they would arrive home screaming and swearing at one another. "You God-damned son-of-bitch!" Irene would scream. Dad would knock her against the wall. She would throw knives at him trying to kill him or bite him so hard on the arm that it would draw blood and he would carry the scar the rest of his life. Donna, David and Hebert through their toddler years and childhoods would be up screaming too and begging them to stop and begging Darlene, Roger or I to make them stop but there would be no stopping until they passed out from sheer exhaustion.
Sometimes Irene would stop drinking ahead of Dad and then we were all trying to get him to stop. Irene mostly drank beer where Dad drank hard liquor. I remember pouring out some of his whiskey and adding water to it to dilute it in hopes that he wouldn't get as drunk and as crazy and violent. In those days in Washington, you could only buy hard liquor at state run liquor stores and you couldn't buy alcohol at all on Sundays. If you forgot to buy your liquor on Saturday, you could find yourself in withdrawals on Sunday.
Dad smoked Camel's and Irene smoked Pall Mall's. Everybody seemed to smoke in those early days but I couldn't tell you what my Mom smoked. I think she must not have smoked or quit smoking when I was pretty young. I know Ole smoked menthols and Rex smoked a pipe or cigars. I think he smoked cigarettes too- Lucky's, if I remember correctly.
I remember my aunt Billie and uncle Joe smoking at one time but I think they quit when I was pretty young too. Filters on ciggarettes were popular but Dad and Irene took their tobacco straight. They bought them by the carton and each of them must have smoked about a pack a day. I think Dad was still smoking when he was shot and Irene might have quit at some point when it was way too late to make much difference. When I started smoking at thirteen years at age, I remember distinctly that I started smoking Camels as they were easily accessible in the house and although it is so cliche, I definately started smoking to look "cool." I was thirteen and I think I had already been kicked out of school in Escondido and had started school in Toppenish and since I was new to the school and already considered a "bad boy," cigarettes were just another part of the affectation.
Dad was always a womanizer and a handsome man and seemed to have no problem finding women that wanted to spend a little time with him. Alcohol and womanizing would eventually be the death of him. literally. At one point in my teens or early twenties, I remember that he was carousing with a woman half his age and there was some drama that ocurred in The Brunswich, in which he got the rifle out of his office and shot her and my understanding is that she lost use of her arm. It was always a mystery to me how it was that he could shoot someone and never serve a day behind bars but that was my Dad. Roger and Donna remember that whole thing. Roger says that he was actually at the bar that night when she came in and Dad got the shotgun from his office and Roger said that he shot her arm off. Donna cleared up the mystery of what eventually happened to the woman when she told me the story of how she died in a car accident which was kind of convenient for my Dad. To this day, we suspect that my dad may have had something to do with that car accident that killed her.
Dad's third wife would be the one to kill HIM. By September of 1979, I was working at Saint Francis Hospital in San Francisco as a Licensed Psychiatric Technician. Shirley, a lesbian from Austin, Texas, was the charge nurse that day. She came and found me working on the unit with patients and asked me to come into the back corridor of offices with her. We went into one of the little rooms where the doctors met with their patients and sat down. I thought I had done something wrong as she looked so serious. She came out with it quickly. "Your father has been shot... " Shock went through me. "...and he is dead." I insisted "No!!" and knew that it was true and broke down sobbing as she sat with me. It took me some time to compose myself and I left work to go home and make arrangements to fly to Washnngton for his funeral.
Deanna was the woman that Dad eventually left Irene for. She was about the same age as Darlene. I only met Deanna once or twice. My understanding is that she was another alcoholic and they created a lot more alcoholic drama together. He would hit her with his fists. She would hit him with a baseball bat. They abused each other with passion. I guess she made him feel young, though. The last time I saw him, he had his hair an unnatural looking jet black which I believed was her influence.
The story that I heard later of his death is that Deanna had taken a lover and the lover gave her the gun that she used to shoot my Dad. They were not actually fighting at the time. My understanding is that he and a friend of his were sitting at the kitchen table one evening and Deanna came into the kitchen and said "you son of a bitch" and shot him dead. I believe it was David and/or Hebert that cleaned up the blood that was left on the floor after they took him away. Deanna pleaded "victim of abuse" and served a few months in a psychiatric facility and essentially got away with murder... but it was probably inevitable. There was always way too much alchohol, gambling and women for my Dad to have died of old age. One of his vices was bound to get him eventually. As crazy as he was, I believe all his kids loved him and grieved his passing when he died.
Dad had a back woods, Arkansas, fundamentalist Baptist viewpoint of women. In one intimate father-son moment from my childhood, I remember being in a car with my Dad and he was on a drunken tirade about women. "Women are devils" he said. He reminded me of the story of Eve giving Adam the apple. "Women are evil... they lie and cheat... except your mother." Then he turned on a dime and sang the praises of Mom even though they had long been divorced. Then he would cry.
I often found it curious throughout my life that many straight men would appear to not actually like women at all. I have often known straight men that would talk about how much they loved sex with women but did not like women otherwise. Straight men that I knew growing up often seemed to prefer the company of their buddies to the company of women. I have never pretended to understand straight men or heterosexual relationships.
By the school year of 1956, when I was five years old, my Mom and Darlene, Roger and I were living on Providence Street in Spokane. My mother had three sisters, Ole, Billie and Hank that lived in Spokane and her brother, Deb, lived nearby. I suppose she went there for support after being devastated by the break up of her marriage. I am not sure if my father had met Irene by this time. For the next several years, I don't think we lived in any one place for more than six months at a time.
I remember very little from this time period. I know that I got mumps at some point when I was in kindergarten.
I remember still believing in Santa Claus and watching for him to come flying across the sky on Christmas Eve. I remember that I cried on my first day of Kindergarten and was terrified to be left there. In kindergarten, I think we finger painted and played with toys. It seemed like it was very far from home but in reality, I think it was probably less than a block away. I don't remember any of the other kids from my class picture or my teacher or any other details really. I don't remember having any understanding of why my father wasn't living with us anymore or how we had come to move to Spokane. We were just on Providence for brief time I think.