Teens

Teens (21)

Wednesday, 28 October 2015 18:35

1965 or 1966- Steve Castle

Written by

stevecastle31050 E. Ohio Street, Escondido, CA

As I have said multiple times in these stories, my life was extremely chaotic. We were constantly being shuffled from here to there without much regard for what was best for us kids. Dad and Irene's lives revolved around Dad's business, The Brunswick, and their three kids, Donna, David and Hebert. Mom's life revolved around what George needed and wanted. She was always playing "buffer" between us kids and George and made it clear that we were an unfair burden on George. She was often encouraging us kids to call our Dad and beg for child support. She seemed embarrassed that George was left to pay most of our financial support since Dad would never send child support regularly as ordered by the court. 

We finally had a brief moment of stability when we lived in the Barn House in Escondido. Us kids loved that house. We lived there about two years which was the longest we had ever lived anywhere. After my 8th grade year, we moved to Poway for a few months and then Mom and George went off to Georgia. Roger and I had got our own place briefly before Social Services caught up with us and put us in a foster home. That didn't work out and I ended up in a "receiving home" and Roger went to live with Allen Green's family. At some point, Mom flew out from Georgia and got me out of the receiving home. It is all pretty sketchy in my memory at that point but somewhere along the line, I ended up living with a guy named Steve Castle and his Mother. 

All I really remember about Steve was that he liked music and I think he wanted to play guitar. His Mom left us alone most of the time and sat in front of the television, drinking wine every night. It was when I was living with Steve that I read "Catcher in the Rye." That is the extent of my memories. The following is a scanned letter from that time from me to my Mom. Apparently there had been quite a rain storm and Steve drove his car into a ditch. I have no recollection of that at all. 

The letter must have been written in late November or early December as I mention George's birthday which was in November and as for a typewriter for Christmas. Apparently my Mother had already told us that she was planning not to buy any of us kids anything for Christmas. On reflection, my guess is that she probably didn't really have money of her own and would have been reluctant to ask George for any to buy anything for us. Eventually, she would buy me a typewriter for my 18th birthday a few years later. 

In this letter, I mention someone named "Polly." I have no idea of who that might have been. I also talk about a story that I want to write. In the story, I mention a child that discovers that he is "negro" at age 14. I must be in a typing class and writing this letter instead of doing whatever the assignment is. I think that Roger and I must have still been attending Poway High School. 

stevecastle1

 

 

In page 2 of this letter, I mention "our band." That would have been "The Luv Please." We were supposed to have played at a place called "The Italian Kitchen" but one of our band members, Barry, apparently had to go to L.A. instead. 

I also say in the letter that Steve and I go see Gail about three times a week. Apparently she was living with Ole in Escondido at that time. I mention that they had recently moved closer to where I was living with Steve. I also mention going to Balboa Park in San Diego with Steve, someone named "Jim," that I don't remember, and Kathy which would have surely been Kathy Zaddock, my girlfriend of several years. 

At the end, I ask my Mom to write me at 1050 E. Ohio Street. That must have been Steve's address.

stevecastle2

 

This next letter seems to be in response to the letter above as it mentions my having a cold. It discusses the possibility of my going up to Toppenish and storing my drums. It discusses Ole and Gail and admonishing me not to be a burden on them or cause them any expense. Mom blames Roger and I for an increase in Gail's insulin because of the upheaval we caused. Of course, the real upheaval was her and George going off to Georgia and being so disruptive to our lives! 

stevecastle4

 

On the second page of this letter, Mom implores me to beg Dad for more money. Dad never wanted to pay child support. Mom could not get him to much of the time. We were put in the middle and always made to feel we were imposing on the world, George, Ole or whoever else it might have been and the responsibility for our own childhood expenses was put on us. I think that this made us feel like unworthy burdens much of the time. 

stevecastle5

 

Sunday, 17 May 2015 20:39

1970-1971 2. 14th Street with Jim

Written by

 

Jim Archiquette and I lived on 14th Street in San Francisco twice. After leaving the flat on 24th street which was more like a commune with various people living in different rooms of the flat, Jim and I moved by ourselves to the one bedroom apartment on 14th. We lived there for a while and Jim furnished it with throw aways he found on the streets of San Francisco. It is amazing what kinds of things people throw out! I think there were a few things purchased from second hand stores as well. 

We moved from 14th Street to the flat on Shotwell and Kenny moved in with us. We lived there for a while. It was a beautiful, huge flat with two bedrooms downstairs and a bedroom upstairs in what had probably been an attic at one time. Kenny had that room. 

Aftern Kenny had drank the drano and died, Jim and I wound up moving back to 14th Street again, we were in the same building but a different apartment. These apartments were located at 193 14th. 

 

193 14th

While living with Jim Archiquette on 14th Street in San Francisco, we were still hippies and like a lot of former male hippies, had now realized we were "gay" too. Most of us had long hair and used pot and psychedelics. The first time I saw the Cockettes at the old Palace theater at 1741 Broadway in San Francisco, I think I was on PCP. I was not a big fan of PCP but Jim loved it, as did our room mate and Jim's former army buddy, Kenny. 

I remember walking in the theater with PCP legs- it felt like it was a lot of effort to take each step. Upon arrival, there was a mob scene in front of the theater. It was like a great Hollywood movie premier. I believe they may have even had a klieg light shining into the sky. I also seem to remember some high end vehicles parked outside and I do know that Truman Capote and Rex Reed attended at least one performance. I remember bringing cheap champagne as well and sitting in the balcony. People passed joints down the row in which we were sitting. The show was supposed to start at midnight but always started much later than that. People would be applauding anything taking place on the main floor. There were times the whole theater was stomping their feet in anticipation for the show. 

We attended Journey to the Center of Uranus and Pearls Over Shanghai. Years later, I would enjoy David Weissman's film, "The Cockettes." 

The Cockettes had a falling out in 1971, when one of the main members, Hibiscus left to form another group called "The Angels of Light." 

 

Final 005

 

 

Journeytothecenterofuranus

 

goodbyevd

 

Cockette videos on Youtube: 

 

 

 

 

Thrillpeddlers Revival of Pearls Over Shanghai:

 

 

Youtube video of Sylvester at the Palace Theater Feb 1971- I attended one of these shows and The Pointer Sisters sang backup:

 

Friday, 15 May 2015 18:44

1969- Teen Angst Poems

Written by

Remembering 

 

Oh tell me

how you forget

a wedding in spring,

rose colored lips or a beautiful thing?

How do you forget

a sun shiny day

when that time 

wasn’t too far away,

when you would both

walk down that aisle

both almost too frightened to smile?

 

But smile you did

and no love there was hidden

from the world.

You both said then that you would never part

but time brought a broken heart.

The love there died

and many times you cried

“It’s over!”

 

Mable the Dyke

 

Do you hate yourself

for what you’ve become

do you think you

are the only one

to ever have thought

those thoughts before?

And you won’t tomorrow.

But yesterday has past

and today won’t last,

very long.

And we’ll see the wrong

we did

in

lying.

Nobody’s crying now,

‘cause nobody knows

except the lie

of asking “why?” and

“What’s the matter?”

Kid psychoanalyst,

he’s really kind of funny.

He’ll say “wow,”

and then he’ll take your money.

IF you got none

it’s been fun

but your a drag

‘cause he’s a fag

with anxieties.

I don’t care

play the game

be the same

and lie.

He did.

And YOU fell for it!

That’s funny.

Don’t know what’s wrong.

It’s getting long…

and late…

and the only fake is you.

Do you wanna talk or 

just say petty words

that are meaningless?

Your games a bore 

Heard it all before.

 

Wishen

 

Bowlegged octopi

crawling up my leg

begin for a piece of,

I’m not sure what.

 

What’s your name?

 

I know I would like to shake your hand;

touch your hair,

kiss you

If it would be good.

 

Have you ever slept with three or 

four… other people… and loved them all?

 

I haven’t.

 

Separating Powers

 

I’m writing this little note for you.

Will you read it soon?

I doubt it.

 

Look,

outside,

it’s raining.

 

Isn’t it beautiful?

 

Some of us say what we feel.

Some of us write what we fell.

Some of us fear to feel

what’s there.

 

If I liked you,

if I loved you

could I feel you?

 

Fear

 

uh, well sir,

I feel that…

 

your lonely?

 

I do not know you.

 

Yes miss?

Ya wanna…

ya wanna get it on

separately.

compete.

come together?

I do not know you,

 

orgasm. 

 

 

Revealing Thyself

 

Take the wrappings off child.

Open you presents child.

Let it be

and see me.

 

Take off the tight white.

Let in the light.

It’s night.

It’s night.

 

Oh give thyself

and I’ll give me.

Everyone,

everyone should see.

 

So take off the mask

and put it down

and ask-

make the sound.

 

Communicate.

 

Empty Trip

 

Is this trip

around

called “loneliness,”

the word that man

thought adequate

for a felling

which is no feeling at all.

Pure emptiness

or maybe less.

The world has died

and you’ve crie

all the tears

it’s worth

and you search

for something

to believe in. 

 

Party friend-

ships

sail away.

I hear some lines

go on rainy days.

Go ahead

and stay

stay…

stay,

away.

 

Your Own Ego Trip

 

Wandering through a wonderland of maze

a misinterpretation

of the phase

to naked

and nakedness is whereI come from

not knowing where I’m going

and many thought they knew

but even I don’t know. 

and my mind is mean and low

but I don”t care

and maybe you have seen it,

but then you haven’t felt it,

and again you have to be it,

to trip it.

Yes…

Take me crystalline ships of

fog and grey,

take me crystal ships far away.

You know where your going to;

where have I been?

Been no where and

everywhere.

It’s just an illusion anyway.

There ain’t no way

to know.

Psychedelic children been to no where yet

and think that I have yet to be there.

Who cares.

I don’t. 

 

Misunderstanding

 

Are you misunderstanding

all that you see

and most of all

misunderstanding me?

You think that you don’t

I say that you do

Am I misunderstanding you?

Have you felt so lonely

so much that your dead

and you come alive

from a single word that’s said

and you think only instead

of your boundaries…

your conditioning and life.

In your back the knife

of loves lost freedom.

 

Hell… misunderstand

take your hand away.

Hope one day

to see her.

Until then, what’s to be done

for you are only one

without another.

wait.

and hesitate

go on debate

love and hate

and soon it’s late again. 

 

 

An Old Hard Women Walkin Down a Lane

 

She walks with grace

over a golden path

in a dress of lace

hiding pain.

 

Happiness surrounds her

roses in full bloom

Light of good shines

from the sun.

 

Loved by all

and it doesn’t matter

she loves all

and to know her

makes

no

difference.

 

 

No Title

 

My mother was a prostitute

my father was a drunk.

Sister was a Catholic nun,

my brother, a Buddhist monk.

I’m just no one,

nobody cares.

I’m just someone,

anyone who’s there.

I’m just standing,

standing on my feet,

I’m just speaking

the the minds I meet. 

It’s a strange type of language,

I do not understand.

It’s a melody

from a blue green yellow land. 

 

Where?

 

Let’s go down

to the place to be.

I’ve been told

that the places free.

It’s you

it’s me.

I’ll take you there now.

I’ll take you.

See now

it’s alright,

The suns going down.

Lies are gone,

the honest night.

Let’s go down

down

let’s go down

and we’ll be.

 

Let’s go down to the place

and you know

it’s only our mind

your mind.

Let’s go down.

We’ll find,

how it is. 

 

The End

 

On and on and on

repeat

on and on and on.

empty feeling.

I really don’t feel like it.

I really don’t feel like anything.

misunderstandings.

I don’t care if you do

on and on and on

repeat

I’m dead.

Ignore me

and I’ll dig it.

I can’t converse

or comprehend.

I’m dead.

I’m dead.

on and on and on.

stupor.

drink or whatever

on and on

life is gone

I’m dead.

 

end.

 

 

Sitten in the Shade

 

I’m sitten in the shade

of the cool

of the winter,

listening to jazz radio

playing softly

and thinking about the fun we had

in the sun of the summer-

Remember the one

that we meant each other-

you and me lovers.

Now we’re just brothers.

Thank you for the time.

If I had my druthers

we would do it all again.

But then I know.

It’s all over.

and over and over…

 

No matter what I play 

on the phonograph

there’s always silence in-between. 

The silence doesn’t really bother me.

you know what I mean?

 

 

but baby, you been gone so long. 

 

No Title

 

fighting sanity for my life

a match is struck for the night.

all is dying

all is dying

are you crying too?

gentle waves of the past

a past to present beauty.

I am dying

come lie beside me.

inescapable thoughts of

where do I go from here?

wife out the fear

wipe out the fear.

take my hand now

and undersand me.

we shall meet one day

you and I

we shall meet

 

and we shall try. 

 

Suicidal Society

 

Suicidal society

what are you trying to do to me?

slit my wrists

smash my brain

don’t you know I’m goin insane?

 

Nothing to look forward to

tear my umbilical cord from you.

cut me up

step on my face

help me get out of this miserable place.

 

Can’t run and can’t hide

can’t say I’ve ever tried

slash my veins

take some pills

 

take anything that kills.

 

Come

 

Come all

be all

see all

there is to see

and be.

the eternity.

 

Chorus:

Your there!

Your there!

You wanna do it?

can you see it?

And when they ask who

I’ll be there too.

 

Your one

I’m one

they’re one

and one is all we’ll be.

and see

we’ll be infinity.

 

together we’ll gather

and your not alone

 

Chorus:

I’ll be there

see there

be where

and when they ask who

 

I’ll be there too. 

 

Again

 

Oh my God

I’ve felt this way before

and it leads nowhere

and how do you bear 

such a thing alone?

How can I tell

what others think or feel

when nothing seems real

at all?

leave me behind

although I mind that too

it’s not so bad a pain

as when you 

act like it don’t matter

that I’m there

when I am.

is that just an illusion

adding confusion 

 

within me?

 

Advertisement for the O.K. Cafe Chain

 

Writing words of coffee stined thoughts

now sit ten at the local handout

thinking ‘bout the freaks

down on skid row

not really thinkin at all.

Making movies of innocent rainbows,

raining dreams of silver gold.

glittering love.

How do you love a bum

who’s screaming Mary’s 

screaming how YOU failed?

For a coffee dime

he’ll buy some wine

and tell you what he tells.

the continuing movie dream

isn’t really what it seems to anyone.

silver gold shimmering.

blue skye shimmering rainbow light

by the neon nights of forever land.

 

“Hey mister…

hey sir…

would you have a dime?”

 

“The time’s too late,” you answer

thoughtlessly.

 

Aimlessly you wander

Aimlessly they go.

ain’t nothin hapnin

nowhere’s near

the place the call

 

skid row.

Friday, 15 May 2015 05:49

1968- Poem- Hotel Room for $19.95

Written by

Hotel Room for $19.95

 

Looking back through brown stained curtains.

One curtain rod.

Brown stains on white lace.

A shade.

Usual color. 

To shut out the sun.

Torn curtain sharing rod.

Two windows.

The brown stained white lace curtains.

The torn curtains. 

Shadows… of better days. 

One leather upholstered rocking chair

that's rocked an eternity's worth of people.

$19.50.

A bed. 

A desk. The usual Bible that no one roads.

A lamp. 

A chair, and one for the desk.

Cigarette burned carpet.

An old chest of drawers with a mirror,

which has been many people. 

Small room.

Wallpaper blooms,

with pink and faded white flowers.

Did a grandmother do this?

 

$19.50.

Wednesday, 22 April 2015 17:54

1964-The Luv Please

Written by

 

luvpleaseposter

 

The year 1964 was an incredible year for music. In 1963, I had become a Beach Boys fan based on 1962's hit "Surfin Safari" and 1963's "Surfin U.S.A." and in 1964, they had released their hit, "I Get Around." The Four Season's also did multi-part harmonies and had hits with "Rag Doll," and "Dawn" that year. Jan and Dean were also promoting the Southern California surfing culture with "Dead Man's Curve." and "The Little Old Lady From Pasadena." This was the first year I heard of a woman named Barbara Streisand when she had a hit with her song, "People" and probably the first time I heard of Louis Armstrong when he put out "Hello, Dolly." Dean Martin had "Everybody Loves Somebody." The Supremes were still fairly new and had a couple of the top songs that year, including, "Baby Love," and "Where Did Our Love Go." Dionne Warwick sang, "Walk on By" and Lesley Gore sang, "You Don't Own Me."

"Louie Louie" by The Kingsmen had us all listening closely to the lyrics, trying to figure out why they were "dirty" or risqué. I'm not sure we ever figured that out but at the time, the song supposedly had off color lyrics. Whenever I tried to find those lyrics, it just seemed like they were too garbled to understand.

Of course, the biggest event in music that year happened the night of February 9th, 1964 when Ed Sullivan introduced "The Beatles" on his show. We had already heard "I Want to Hold Your Hand" and "Twist and Shout" on the radio but seeing them, live, on T.V., was one of the biggest events in my life. Sixty percent of the countries' televisions were tuned to Ed Sullivan that night. Seventy-three million of us saw them open with "All My Loving." While nothing in music would ever be the same, many of us look back to that time and feel that nothing in our lives would ever be the same. The Beatles had an incredible impact on a country that was still mourning the loss of their President, John Kennedy, who had just been assassinated only seventy-seven days before. 

This was only the beginning of "The British Invasion." The Beatles would dominate the charts for years to come. In 1964, they had hits with "I Want to Hold Your Hand," "She Loves You," "A Hard Day's Night," "Love Me Do," "Please, Please Me," "Twist and Shout," "Can't Buy Me Love," "Do You Want to Know a Secret," and "I Saw Her Standing There." Later that year, in July, they would release their first film, "Hard Day's Night," which I would see in Toppenish.

Other groups from "The British Invasion" were Manfred Mann with "Do Wah Diddy Diddy," The Dave Clark Five with "Glad All Over," "Bits and Pieces," and "Do You Love Me." The Animals had "House of the Rising Sun." Gerry and the Pacemakers had "Don't Let the Sun Catch You Crying." The Kinks did "You Really Got Me." 

sylvandrumssm

After the Beatles had made their three appearances on The Ed Sullivan show, Roger and I formed our band, The Luv Please. "Luv" was a term British invaders used when addressing young girls. Roger played lead and was actually a good musician. I beat on the drums and looked cute, although I was never a great drummer. Mark Heideman, high school friend of Roger's, played bass guitar. I can't remember the name of the guy that played rhythm guitar but was reminded recently that there was another guy named Roger that played rhythm briefly but was eventually replaced by a guy named Barry. We all sang, although my brother, Roger, probably did most of the singing. 

We played at school dances, malls, battle of the bands and wherever else we could. I think Darlene said we played at her wedding although I have no recollection of that. Maybe we played somewhere on the evening of her wedding.

We got some publicity when I got kicked out of school and I think that probably contributed to our opportunities. The t.v. crew that came to the house to film the news story about me getting kicked out of school, also let us know of an opportunity to play in San Diego. This was the biggest event that we played at during the time we were together as a band. As I have said before many times, our lives were constant chaos and somehow, I was back in Toppenish at some point and Roger was going to just play the event with the rest of The Luv Please and a different drummer. For some reason, which was a bit out of character, my dad and his wife, Irene, decided to drive Donna, David, Hebert and myself down to San Diego for this event. I think my Dad and Irene were drinking along the way and we stopped and stayed at sleazy, no-brand motels- the kinds of places you could probably rent by the hour. We did make it to San Diego and I was able to participate in the event, although I did not play drums. I think that was the last time I was part of The Luv Please and it wasn't long after this that Roger went on to participate in other bands. He continued to play music through the rest of his life. More about Roger and his music can be found here: http://lifestoriesnetwork.com/index.php?option=com_k2&view=item&id=109:roger-videos

We also recorded a little "45" record of a couple of our original songs which would eventually be lost when my mom's cedar chest was stolen. The band was much fun but also work. Roger was a task master and pushed the rest of us to be more serious about our instruments. He wanted us to practice, practice, practice. 

medancing

In January of 1966, according to a letter from Barbie McHenry, I found from the time, Roger and I were living at 1019 E. Pennsylvania Avenue in Escondido. I believe that this must have been with my aunt Ole and my cousin, Gail, who had come down to Escondido to live for a while. I'm not sure if they had come down to get away from the cold Spokane winter or were there specifically to keep an eye on Roger and I. It seems to me that they had actually lived in Escondido a couple of different times but I am not sure as I am writing this. 

I know we lived with Ole and Gail when Roger and I had a rollover accident in his '57 Chevy station wagon. We were coming back to 

luvplease

 Escondido from Poway and were behind a Hispanic farm worker by all appearances. I don't remember if he had fruit boxes on his truck or fruit or why it is that I know he was Hispanic. Maybe I know it from seeing him after the accident. Regardless, as we driving along the two lane highway, the driver inf front of us started to slow down and without turning on a turn signal he started pulling to the right. It seemed the perfect opportunity to pass him and it was a legal place to pass. Suddenly he turned back to left and Roger had to swerve to keep from missing him and lost control of the Chevy and he rolled over a couple of times. And this was before seat belts! It gave us quite a scare. The worst was yet to come when Roger would be blamed for the accident which I think was only because of his youth and appearance at the time we went to court. 

Mark Heideman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MarkHeidemansmokingMark Heideman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MarkHeideman2Mark Heideman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LuvPleaseBillie and Joe arranged for the us to play at "Western Dance Center" in Spokane. Me on left, Roger in center and Dennis Clark on right. Dennis was the cousin of David Young, who lived a couple of blocks from my cousin, Gail, in Spokane. Gail has pony tail with blue ribbon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tuesday, 21 April 2015 17:28

1965- In Foster Care

Written by

Mom and George had moved to Georgia because George had gotten a better job there and again, our needs as children were most likely never considered for a Moment. As always, we were just expected to adapt to anything and anywhere at any time. Our stability or education or relationships were inconsequential. George was the breadwinner and it didn't matter if he could get a job anywhere. He was an aeronautics engineer and could have gotten a job anywhere and made good money but with George, and probably even more so with my Mom, it was always about going where he could make the most money. It was not just Roger and I that got a raw deal on that. George had five daughters too and they never came first either. It was always the work. Nowadays, it seems amazing to me how parents are so careful to take into consideration the needs of their children and even turn down jobs if it means disrupting the lives of their children.

Ole and Gail had been living in Escondido but at some point, they had gone back to Spokane. Roger and I must have got shipped off to Toppenish to live with my dad for a while. I guess the adults probably thought they would give that a try but I hated school in Toppenish. Roger had come with me and we both wanted to go back to Southern California. Somehow, I think we convinced dad to give us some money and Roger and I went back to Escondido and got our own apartment. Roger was 16 and I think I had probably turned fourteen by this time. Essentially, we were on our own.

I am pretty sure we got back to Escondido in Roger's yellow 57 Chevy that had taken a beating over the time he had it and somehow we got an apartment. How does a fourteen year old and a sixteen year old get an apartment without anyone asking questions? I don't know for sure since I don't remember that but I know we got one and lived on our own and I even got back into school in Poway. Roger would either take me there or a couple of times I even hitchhiked. Mark Heideman, Roger and I continued The Luv Please. Our friends in San Diego, Leslie and Marnie, who we had met playing at a car show in San Diego, used to bring us food they would steal from their parents houses. We were actually surviving but it didnt' take long before I had stopped going to school. My girlfriend's mother called the child protective services and a social worker showed up at our apartment. Against our will, Roger and I were put into a foster home in the town of San Marcos. 

The foster home was pretty horrible for me. The family were Mormon and I remember the mother being the type that seemed to be seeking some celebrity in her life or something. I can't remember what it was she did as far as art or performance though. I do know she made a point of talking about all the children that she had fostered and how they all would come back and see her and loved her and were so thankful for her.

I think the son resented our being there. He was about the same age as me if I remember correctly. The daughter was about Roger's age. Instead of buying regular milk, only powdered milk was bought and I hated that. The mother also didn't allow anyone to drink fluids with the meals. You were only allowed to have something to drink after you were done eating. 

By this time, Roger and I had become friendly with Leslie and Marnie in San Diego through playing at the car show there. They had visited us in our apartment and had brought us food there. I stayed in telephone contact with them and they came to visit us in the foster home. I thought Leslie was going to help me run away and I had even gotten into the trunk of the car but she betrayed me and told them where I was. 

Roger and I enrolled in school where the foster family lived. I attended classes and remember feeling completely lost. What the other kids were learning and discussing was all Greek to me. It didn't really matter because we were not there for very long. 

For some reason, on one day, I got into an argument with the daughter of the foster parents and called her a "bitch." Within a few hours, the social worker was at the house and driving me to a "receiving home" in Hillcrest San Diego. Apparently they had decided that I was incorigable. Because Roger was 16, he was allowed to go live with our previous neighbors by the barn house on Summit Avenue. 

At the receiving home, I had a room mate who was a couple of years younger than myself, who had some awful lung disease. He was wheezing constantly and coughing up a lot of phlegm. I don't think it was anything as simple as asthma even. This boy was really very sick in a chronic way. I got along okay at the receiving home though. After a week or so, my Mom flew out from Georgia to spring me from the home and I think she sent me up to Washington. 

I think that was probably the year that I meant Dan, a Yakima Indian that would continue to be my good friend for the next few years. I had been allowed to enroll in Toppenish High and Dan attended there as well. I still had my hair and it had gotten a little longer but I don't think it was as long as Dan's at the time. His wasn't long because of the Beatles, His was long because of his embracing his heritage as a Yakima. He was one of thirteen kids that his mother was raising in the absents of a father for the most part. I think his father may have been a farm laborer. 

I also think I met Virgil that year. He was a pretty scary guy and the first time I met him, he was threatening to beat me up. Many of the girls at Toppenish High, including his girlfriend at the time, Dianna, liked my Beatle haircut and would innocently flirt with me. He took it much to seriously and I thought he was surely going to kill me and I don't think I got any sleep that night. I think my dad tried to give me a crash course in boxing but I knew that was a lost cause. Dianna must have talked to him that evening and convinced him that her flirtations were only innocent because when I saw him the next day, instead of him wanting to kill me, he wanted to be my friend. He remained a friend and a protector for some years after that, and as much of a thug as he was, totally accepted it when I came out to him and told him I was gay. 

It was amazing how several of these people in Toppenish back then, in the late sixties and early seventies accepted my sexuality. Henry was Mexican and another "thug" like Virgil. He was a dangerous guy that liked to drink and fight and womanize with my brother and Virgil but also liked to hang around Rogers' band. By this time, I had lost interest in playing drums as practice sessions were always pretty awful. Roger was a perfectionist and I just wanted to have fun. Henry was another protector. If anyone made threats toward me or Roger, they would have to deal with Henry and Virgil first. I had a crush on Henry for several years and I am sure that he knew it but was always straight and macho. 

It wasn't long until baseball season at Toppenish High and there was no way that I was ever going to catch or hit a baseball and I could only tolerate the humiliation for a short while. I offered to continue going to school if I could be excused from physical education but that was out of the question so I just quit going to school. I got to know the truant officer at the time very well. He would come to the house and have coffee and cigarettes with me in the afternoon and try to convince me I should be in back in school One day, my dad saw me walking downtown, along Toppenish Avenue with Dan during a school day and he pulled over and told me to get into the car. You knew when my dad was not messing around and I think he was even sober at the time. I could tell he was pretty angry. It is the only time I remember him ever hitting me with a closed fist and I don't think it was even in the face. I don't remember exactly, but I know I cried and then he felt terrible and came and rubbed my back and told me that he loved me. I think that was pretty much it for me and Toppenish High though. 

Wednesday, 18 March 2015 03:48

1969- Mole (poem)

Written by

"Mole"

I’m a mole 
Sitten in my hole
out of site
Shades tight
Black out the night.
Curtains drawn.
Cement lawn.
Gone
Till dawn. 
Always feel like I gotta run
Out of sun.
The sun’s the fun. 

I say “maybe then.”
I’ll get high
I sigh
And smoke some thai
To clarify my thinking.
If that don’t work
To prove I’m not a jerk
I go out drinking.
When the room begins to spin
And I believe I’m really in
The stobe lights flash
I strut my trash
No dignity to defend.

I’m all alone
In my own zone
Wishing for things that I don’t have.

My life, it is in waiting.
The waitings what get’s me by.
When I’m straight I’m waiting
To get high.
Then I’m up
As up has come to sound
And then I spend all my time
Waiting to come down.
And when I’m down
I run around
Trying to get up
With credit cards and movie stars
Disco bars and what’s bizarre.

I never live for yesterday-
Never say, “Remember when?”
I’m always waiting for better times.
My dream is like a woman that just won’t let me go.
It chains me, bound and borken, S&M upon my soul,
I’m left empty-handed, doing nothing,
A prisoner in my own home
Listening to the silence,
Listening all alone.
The siren’s scream,
The hounds all howl
The t.v. tells it’s lies
And with another puff of smoke
Another brain cell dies.
Please, phone don’t ring,
Don’t no one be kocking on my door.
My brain can’t think to say the words
No one lives her anymore.

Monday, 16 March 2015 23:43

1969 "Sitten in the Shade" teen poem

Written by

I’m sitten in the shade

Of the cool
Of the winter,
Listening to jazz radio
Playing softly
And thinking about the fun we had
In the sun of the summer.

Remember the one?
That we met each other?.
You and me lovers.
Now we’re just brothers.
Thank you for the time.
If I had my druthers
We would do it all again.
But then I know.
It’s all over.
And over and over...

No matter what I play on the phonograph
There’s always silence in between.
The silence doesn’t really bother me.
You know what I mean?
But baby you been gone so long.

Monday, 16 March 2015 19:43

1969-College Ave-Stream of Consciousness

Written by

It's night. 

My mind wanders; drifts through a fantasy wonderland of maze. It creates illusions, one beside another as if two movies were being shown on the same transluscent screen. My passive thoughts spark now and then as if waiting for an explosion to send them escaping from my crowded skull in the universe as pastel colors. 

A surealistic canvas appears in my mind. There is a long field of flowing green grass seeping into the distance. At the forefront lies an American soldier painted gray, dead and cold. In the distance the American flag waves for freedom, encircled by a pure white cloud which, by the wind, has formed the innocent body of an infant. In the brown, smoky sky, the face of emptiness looks down. When I look closely at his dark mouth, there is a road running a distance of desolate miles. 

I enter this mouth of empty infinity, and I walk down the cold and rocky road. Finally I come upon a cigarrette machine; a man is standing close by bumming spare change. I give him a cigarette and walk away. He throws a knife, which lands at my feet. My boredom murders him. 

The night flows on and I find myself in a brightly lit city. I inhale the smog filled air. I wake myself up to dodge the taxis, buses andother misacllaneous vehicles going in circles. Suddenly a car drives up along side of me and I smell the scent of cheap perfume. I look into the car and see that the circus acts have arrived. 

There's Mike, Bill, Teddy, John and Wendy. They're all gaily dressed up in their jewels and stockings, out to hustle the sailors who don't know what's happening. They're all dressed up but Wendy, who's actually dead, but doesn't know it yet. 

The City lights dim and fade out as the music comes up. The show begins. The street people start placing bets on who'll makeit and who won't. Everyone is cheering on Bill, but they won't admit it. The music comes to an abrupt halt and the silence engulphs us all. It's a photo finish and nobody wins but Wendy, who just smiles. The crowd seems disappointed and it looks like riot time. 

I feel a little nauseous so I silently two step away into another dimension. The dimension is your reality and I'm sweating. There are things happening. Craziness clogs all up and down. There are things that wildest fantasy could never explain. There are dreams coming true; and nightmares of explosions trying to maker their way past my door... into my mind. I hold them back. 

The Wonderland is shatered with a million bullets and silly wars staged by petty poiticians. My fellow man is dying.

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2001 Trip to Cancun- Click to read story.
Women in Oils- Click for story
2014- Road trip to San Diego- Click for story.
Forbidden Dreams of Love- Click for story.
My Mother- Click for more photos.
1967- Summer of Love- Click to read story.
1957-1958 1st Grade- Click to read story.
Amber- Click to read story.
Darlene Marries Chuck- Click for story.
1974- On Larkin Street- Click for story.
1973- Psych Tech Program- Click for story.
Photos of Dad & His Family- Click for story.
1982-1993 Waller Street- Click to read story.
Black Men in Oils- Click to read story
1974- First Trip to Europe- Click to read story.
Grandview- Click for story
Where I was born- Click for story.
2005- Darlene Visits for Gay Pride- Click to read story.
Click to read "Introduction."
1958-1959- 3rd Grade- Click to read story.
2015- 2nd Gay Cruise- Click to read story.
Palouse- Click for story
1964- Luv Please- Click for story.
Earthquake! Click to read story.
2001 Trip to Cancun- Click to read story.
My Dad's Family- Click for story.
Beatle haircut- Click for story.
Escondido 1960's- Click for story
2015- 2nd Gay Cruise- Click for story.
Second Gay Cruise- Click for story.
Cockettes & Angels of Light- Click for story
Gay Disco 70's- Click for story
2005 Darlene Visit for Gay Pride- Click for story.
5th Grade in Abilene Tx- Click for story
The Psychedelic Experience- Click to read story.
Summer of Love- Click to read story.
Me in 3rd grade- Click for story.
Me in first grade- Click for story.
4th Grade- Click for story.
1973 "You have to be hurt..." Click to read the story.
1970's Promiscuity- Click for story.
Me in my 20's in 1970's- Click for story.

Article

01. Introduction

03- Dads Family

03- Photos of my Father and his family

04- My Mother's Family

04- Photos of my Mom

04- Video of my Mom

04- Walling Family Reunions

04-Audio Files of My Mom

04. Billie

04. Ole

04.1. Forbidden Dreams of Love

04.2. Flames of Forbidden Love

04.3 Mom Writing Her Life Story

05- Jim Tarbert

05. Roger

1950's Grandview to Toppenish

1957-1958 1st Grade

1958-1959- Third Grade

1959- Palouse

1961- 4th Grade- Last time I wore a dress

1962- Abilene

1963- Escondido- Early 60's

1964- Darlene Marries Chuck

1964- My Beatle Haircut

1964-The Luv Please

1965 or 1966- Steve Castle

1965- In Foster Care

1966 Living with Darlene & Chuck in Seattle

1967- Juvenile Hall

1976- I Praise Thee (poem to Stanley)

1976- My Second Lover, Stanley Dunne

1976- Paul McCartney and Wings

1976-1330 Bush Street #9J

1977- 1667 Haight Street

1977- Trip to San Diego with Mary Jo

1977-1980- Tumultuous Relationship with John Perry

1978- 525 Haight Street

1979- September- Dad is Murdered

1980's- AIDS- Death and Dying

1980- Winter- First Trip to New York

1980- Word, Sound and Power

1981- Milton- Falling in Love

1982-1993 465 Waller Street

1982-1994 Computers to MacNursing

1984- 33rd Birthday

1985- Graduation from Nursing School

1985- Trip to Hawaii (Oahu)

1988- MIdnight Caller

1989- Earthquake!

1991- Aug 10th- Mom Passes Away

1991- Black Males in Oils

1991- Crack of My Life

1993- Move to Vallejo & Our First Home

1995-1. Road Trip to Washington

1995-2. Surprise Trip to Vegas

1995-3. Grandmother Rogers & Aunts Visit Darlene's

1995-4. Amber

1998- Camping at Russian River

2000 -Thoughts about Progressive Christians

2000- Resignation from John George

2001- April- Trip to Cancun

2001- Peace and Justice

2001- September 11th

2002- April-Puerto Vallarta & Blue Bay Getaway

2002- Nov 12th- My Stepfather, George McHenry Passes Away

2003- Trip to D.C. and N.Y.

2004- Feb- Road Trip to Baha Mexico

2004- Walling Family Reunion in Spokane

2005- Christmas Poem

2005- Darlene Visit for Pride Celebration

2005- Trip to Orlando

2005-1. Europe- London

2005-2. Europe- Paris

2005-3. Europe- Venice

2005-4. Europe- Florence

2005-5. Europe- Rome

2005-6. Europe- Athens

2005-7. Knee Surgery & Tongue Biopsy

2006 Christmas Poem

2006- February 23- Times Herald

2006- Palm Springs White Party

2006- Trip to Seattle

2006-July 8th Solano Peace and Justice Coalition BBQ

2007- Feb- Carnival Destiny- Our First Cruise

2007- Tre and Casey Visit

2008- Aug 15-18 Spokane Visit

2008- Psycho Song

2009- Honored by Vallejo Gay Network

2009- Women in Oils

2010 Christmas Poem

2010- Feb. R.C. Mariner of the Seas Mexican Riviera Cruise

2010- June 24- Badlands

2010- Trip to Seattle

2010-1. Europe- Amsterdam

2010-2. Europe- Paris

2010-3. Europe- Barcelona & Sitges

2010-4. Europe- Madrid

2011-1. Feb. My Fabulous 60th Birthday Weekend

2011-2. April- L.A., Palm Springs & "The White Party"

2011-3. Poem- Girl From Medical Lake

2011-4. Old Man Dancing

2011-5. May- Misty and Alex Visit

2011-6. August- Darlene and Sean's Visit

2011-7. Alex 16-18 & Pics

2012- March- Carnival Splendor Mexican Riviera with Family

2013- Wedding

2014- Christmas Poem

2014- First Gay Cruise

2014- September Road Trip to San Diego

2015- Seasonal Affective Blues

2015- Second Gay Cruise

2015- War on Christmas poem

2015-"Badlands" and Gay Bar Etiquette

2015-September 8. Political History

2016 Do Not Speak for Gay Males

2016- April- Palm Springs RV Adventure

4/4/2016- Not Going Along to Get Along

9/4/15- Liberals vs Conservatives

1967- Summer of Love- Click to read story.
1958-1959- 3rd Grade- Click to read story.
Me in first grade- Click for story.
4th Grade- Click for story.
Black Men in Oils- Click to read story
1982-1993 Waller Street- Click to read story.
Summer of Love- Click to read story.
My Dad's Family- Click for story.
My Mother- Click for more photos.
Second Gay Cruise- Click for story.
Click to read "Introduction."
2001 Trip to Cancun- Click to read story.
Palouse- Click for story
2015- 2nd Gay Cruise- Click for story.
Escondido 1960's- Click for story
Cockettes & Angels of Light- Click for story
Amber- Click to read story.
1973 "You have to be hurt..." Click to read the story.
1964- Luv Please- Click for story.
2001 Trip to Cancun- Click to read story.
The Psychedelic Experience- Click to read story.
1974- On Larkin Street- Click for story.
Darlene Marries Chuck- Click for story.
Grandview- Click for story
2005- Darlene Visits for Gay Pride- Click to read story.
2005 Darlene Visit for Gay Pride- Click for story.
1957-1958 1st Grade- Click to read story.
Forbidden Dreams of Love- Click for story.
Where I was born- Click for story.
1973- Psych Tech Program- Click for story.
Me in my 20's in 1970's- Click for story.
2014- Road trip to San Diego- Click for story.
1974- First Trip to Europe- Click to read story.
2015- 2nd Gay Cruise- Click to read story.
Beatle haircut- Click for story.
1970's Promiscuity- Click for story.
Photos of Dad & His Family- Click for story.
Me in 3rd grade- Click for story.
Gay Disco 70's- Click for story
Women in Oils- Click for story
Earthquake! Click to read story.
5th Grade in Abilene Tx- Click for story